In the last few weeks I have began my Christmas shopping. It is different this year because most of the time I have a little 5 month old tagging along. The process takes a little longer this year because we stop for bottle breaks or wrecking into racks with the stroller :). One thing that has not changed this year is my ability to find something for myself that I just HAVE to HAVE. I mean seriously I can be at Gander Mountain or The Great Outdoor Store and find something that has "Brooke" written all over it.
I was in Marshall's one day over these last few weeks and I found something for myself that I absolutely loved. The good voice inside my head reminded me that this is Christmas time and that I am to be buying for others not myself. Reluctantly I hung the item back on the rack and resumed my quest to find the perfect gifts for the one's I love. The bad voice inside my head continued to tell me how much I needed the sweater, how cute it would be at holiday party's, how it is soooo one of a kind...yada, yada, yada. I tried my best to ignore that bad voice. I bought gifts for others and left the sweater for me hanging on the rack. As I walked out of the store I could almost hear that sweater crying out to me "you know you want me!"
The next day while driving in my car I thought about the sweater. (Now if you don't have a passion for shopping you may not understand this but for me this is perfectly normal. There are plenty of times that I pass an item by and still days after I find myself thinking of the item wishing that I had bought it). After thinking of the sweater my very next thought was a painful thought. I wondered to myself when is the last time I thought this much over God? When is the last time I couldn't get enough of His word? When is the last time I couldn't stop praying to Him? Painfully I answered myself with a shameful answer...I can't remember the last time.
It is so embarrassing that I have thought for 72 hours over a 30 dollar sweater that A) I could afford and B) I have a million more hanging in my closet. It is so embarrassing that I couldn't recall the last time I spent as much time thinking about my relationship with God as I do picking out my outfit for the day. I have been challenged to spend more time with God and less time with the superficial things of this world. I pray that over the hustle and bustle of this holiday season we all STOP and just thank God for who He is and what He has done for all of us. May we all reevaluate our priorities. I am thankful to God and the love and compassion that He provides even when I give more thought to a sweater than to Him.
Babbling Brooke
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
It Happened
It happened...after 54 years of marriage, 3 girls, 10 grandchildren and a life long relationship with Christ she went to paradise. It is the first time in my life I have lost someone I was really close to. So far I have thought about her everyday, I have said a prayer for my mom everyday and I have been sad for my papa everyday. I say I have thought of my Nana everyday but not in the way you might imagine. Yes, I have missed her but that is not the thoughts that I have had. Instead it has been the thoughts of what is she doing? Does she see people that have died before her? These thoughts are the one's that reside inside of me. I miss her so much and if I think about how much I miss her I start to feel like I have been punched in the stomach.
More than my own grief and pain, I hurt for my papa. They had the type of marriage that Brian and I strive for. They were best friends, partners, teammates and they loved God more than each other. I hurt for my mom. She and my Nana had a special relationship. They confided in each other, laughed with each other and were more than mother/daughter they were best friends.
I remember thinking after the funeral; What Now? We have known for some time that my Nana wasn't getting better and we knew that death would be in her near future but it isn't real until it happens. Driving back from Mckenzie that day I knew what to do from this point on. I knew that I wanted to live my life in a way that would please her. I want to teach Meritt the things that my Nana taught me.
It is so sad and so unbelievably hard to let go of someone that we love so much. There are so many things that can come from something as emotional and sad as this. We can be bitter, we can be reclusive or we can live in a way that would make the person we love and miss so proud.
More than my own grief and pain, I hurt for my papa. They had the type of marriage that Brian and I strive for. They were best friends, partners, teammates and they loved God more than each other. I hurt for my mom. She and my Nana had a special relationship. They confided in each other, laughed with each other and were more than mother/daughter they were best friends.
I remember thinking after the funeral; What Now? We have known for some time that my Nana wasn't getting better and we knew that death would be in her near future but it isn't real until it happens. Driving back from Mckenzie that day I knew what to do from this point on. I knew that I wanted to live my life in a way that would please her. I want to teach Meritt the things that my Nana taught me.
It is so sad and so unbelievably hard to let go of someone that we love so much. There are so many things that can come from something as emotional and sad as this. We can be bitter, we can be reclusive or we can live in a way that would make the person we love and miss so proud.
Monday, October 17, 2011
For You Are Good
Yesterday at church we were singing a song and we got to a verse and this is what it said "for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me..." as I sang these words I caught a glimpse of one of the strongest women that I know. As I looked at her she was singing these words and the tears began to stream down my face.
I was in awe that a woman who has been through so many trials was standing, head held high and singing the words "for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me..." As a young mother she went through a divorce, she later met the love of her life and he put his heart and soul into loving her and helping her to raise her son. Many years later she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. The outlook was bad, death was the expected outcome. If you know this lady it is no surprise that she fought the battle and won. The battle of cancer was one of the hardest I've heard about but her relationship with God and the love from her husband helped her to fight the cancer and win. This by the way was a surprise to her doctors and to those that knew just how bad the cancer was.
Then this summer it was a normal Sunday morning she was going to walk with her neighbor and then get dressed for church just as she did most Sunday mornings. She walked to her husbands side of the bed to wake him and her heart sank. He had passed away in his sleep. He was too young for this, she was too young for this, they had just talked and laughed right before they went to bed. Once again devastation. It is now October and every time I look at her I see pure sadness in her eyes. I cry for her and pray for her often.
Sunday I sang the words "for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me..." and cried as I saw Alicia Brown singing these same words. I cried because those words come a little easier for me. I was sitting in the pew with my husband. I cried because I am not sure that I have her strength. Don't get me wrong there is not a day that goes by that she doesn't long for Ron to hold her and there probably has not been a night since he died that she has slept through the night. But she has a strength about her that only comes from God and even though she doesn't understand why she has faced so many battles and others around her have faced so little she continues to love the Lord and sing to Him. Thank you Alicia for your strength! Thank you for loving God even in this storm! You are truly teaching all of us as you weather this chapter of life! I love you!
I was in awe that a woman who has been through so many trials was standing, head held high and singing the words "for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me..." As a young mother she went through a divorce, she later met the love of her life and he put his heart and soul into loving her and helping her to raise her son. Many years later she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. The outlook was bad, death was the expected outcome. If you know this lady it is no surprise that she fought the battle and won. The battle of cancer was one of the hardest I've heard about but her relationship with God and the love from her husband helped her to fight the cancer and win. This by the way was a surprise to her doctors and to those that knew just how bad the cancer was.
Then this summer it was a normal Sunday morning she was going to walk with her neighbor and then get dressed for church just as she did most Sunday mornings. She walked to her husbands side of the bed to wake him and her heart sank. He had passed away in his sleep. He was too young for this, she was too young for this, they had just talked and laughed right before they went to bed. Once again devastation. It is now October and every time I look at her I see pure sadness in her eyes. I cry for her and pray for her often.
Sunday I sang the words "for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me..." and cried as I saw Alicia Brown singing these same words. I cried because those words come a little easier for me. I was sitting in the pew with my husband. I cried because I am not sure that I have her strength. Don't get me wrong there is not a day that goes by that she doesn't long for Ron to hold her and there probably has not been a night since he died that she has slept through the night. But she has a strength about her that only comes from God and even though she doesn't understand why she has faced so many battles and others around her have faced so little she continues to love the Lord and sing to Him. Thank you Alicia for your strength! Thank you for loving God even in this storm! You are truly teaching all of us as you weather this chapter of life! I love you!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM
Last night I read an essay that one of my cousin's wrote for a college English class. She wrote the essay about my Nana. My Nana has been in hospice care for about 2 months now. When she started receiving hospice care they told us that the outlook was grim and that she might only have 6 days left on earth. Here two months later the reports are still very grim and it is one of those things that only God knows the time and day. So until she goes to Heaven we twinge every time the phone rings. My mom and her sister have truly worn themselves out doing everything they can to help my papa out. The emotional toil that it takes to watch your parent die is more than I ever imagined. Brian's family went through the same thing with his grandad but it was during the first couple of weeks of Meritt's birth so those weeks are truly a blur for me.
After reading the essay last night I sat on the couch with tears streaming down my face. Meritt was asleep in my arms and I rubbed her head and prayed that I enjoy every moment that I get with her because the essay was a reminder of just how short this life is. My cousin shared lots of memories of my Nana. As I read these memories they all came flooding back and it seemed like it was just yesterday that we were eating Sunday lunch at her house, or listening to her laugh at my dad and uncle Chris. It was so shocking to think that not that long ago my Nana was healthy and able to do as she pleased. I was struck with pain at the thought of how quickly time passes by.
I am blessed to talk to my mom on the phone everyday. Many days we talk multiple times. I remember that not that long ago my mom and Nana talked on the phone everyday. I can't imagine the void my mom feels by not talking to her mother everyday. Again I am struck with pain at how quickly things change and how quickly time passes.
My little Meritt can roll over, laugh out loud, sleep through the night, and follow me with her eyes and face as I walk through a room. I am ecstatic over all of these milestones and yet at the same time I get sad at how fast she is growing. These past four months have swished by me and while this reminder isn't so painful it is still a reminder of how quickly time passes by.
I am so so thankful for the relationships in my life! So thankful for the blessing of family and for the gift of love. It is so sad to see the people we love the most suffer and it is so difficult to say goodbye. I am reminded everyday of just how precious life is and how quickly it goes. I pray that we all say extra "thank yous" for our blessings and that we savor this life more and more everyday!
After reading the essay last night I sat on the couch with tears streaming down my face. Meritt was asleep in my arms and I rubbed her head and prayed that I enjoy every moment that I get with her because the essay was a reminder of just how short this life is. My cousin shared lots of memories of my Nana. As I read these memories they all came flooding back and it seemed like it was just yesterday that we were eating Sunday lunch at her house, or listening to her laugh at my dad and uncle Chris. It was so shocking to think that not that long ago my Nana was healthy and able to do as she pleased. I was struck with pain at the thought of how quickly time passes by.
I am blessed to talk to my mom on the phone everyday. Many days we talk multiple times. I remember that not that long ago my mom and Nana talked on the phone everyday. I can't imagine the void my mom feels by not talking to her mother everyday. Again I am struck with pain at how quickly things change and how quickly time passes.
My little Meritt can roll over, laugh out loud, sleep through the night, and follow me with her eyes and face as I walk through a room. I am ecstatic over all of these milestones and yet at the same time I get sad at how fast she is growing. These past four months have swished by me and while this reminder isn't so painful it is still a reminder of how quickly time passes by.
I am so so thankful for the relationships in my life! So thankful for the blessing of family and for the gift of love. It is so sad to see the people we love the most suffer and it is so difficult to say goodbye. I am reminded everyday of just how precious life is and how quickly it goes. I pray that we all say extra "thank yous" for our blessings and that we savor this life more and more everyday!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
DRENCHED
What kind of person are you when it comes to entering the pool or a hot tub? Are you a dip your big toe in slowly, ease your ankles in and so on until finally you are shoulder deep? Are you the kind that has the "go big or go home" philosophy, you plunge in all at once allowing your entire body to experience the water and its temperatures all at once? or Are you the person that avoids the water all together, I mean who wants to get all wet anyway?
Sunday at church we were given a charge. A charge to use the gifts God has given us. To not hesitate but instead to JUMP all in and use our gifts and be showered with the blessings that come from using those gifts. Jeff asked at this point in our lives how are we using our gifts. Are we using them just a little, enough to be able to say "yes I use my gifts" but not using them enough to where they interrupt our everyday lives. Are we burying our gifts and not using them at all. Sort of the philosophy "life is great as it is, why use gifts and get tied up with other people's problems." Or are you using your gifts to the fullest allowing God to work through you and use you to strengthen the Kingdom.
My parents and Brian's parents have pools in their backyards. I have always been the type to approach the pool stick my toe in, ease down the first step wetting my ankles and gradually, very very gradually slipping my entire body into the pool. I have always made sure that my body was comfortable and gone at my own controlled pace into the water.
This is also very true of how I use my spiritual gifts. I have always been open to using my gifts just as I have been open to getting into the pool. It is just that I have used my gifts on my time table and with me in as much control as possible. I have used my gifts at a pace to where they don't interrupt my comfortable life. It was Sunday when I realized that trusting God, and showing God the love that He deserves means that I jump all in! To use my spiritual gifts to their ultimate potential. I am so thankful for the gifts that God has blessed me with. It is important that we know that God blesses us all with spiritual gifts. We can choose to use them and grow them into even more or we can bury them and watch them disappear. May we all trust God enough to Jump all in!
Sunday at church we were given a charge. A charge to use the gifts God has given us. To not hesitate but instead to JUMP all in and use our gifts and be showered with the blessings that come from using those gifts. Jeff asked at this point in our lives how are we using our gifts. Are we using them just a little, enough to be able to say "yes I use my gifts" but not using them enough to where they interrupt our everyday lives. Are we burying our gifts and not using them at all. Sort of the philosophy "life is great as it is, why use gifts and get tied up with other people's problems." Or are you using your gifts to the fullest allowing God to work through you and use you to strengthen the Kingdom.
My parents and Brian's parents have pools in their backyards. I have always been the type to approach the pool stick my toe in, ease down the first step wetting my ankles and gradually, very very gradually slipping my entire body into the pool. I have always made sure that my body was comfortable and gone at my own controlled pace into the water.
This is also very true of how I use my spiritual gifts. I have always been open to using my gifts just as I have been open to getting into the pool. It is just that I have used my gifts on my time table and with me in as much control as possible. I have used my gifts at a pace to where they don't interrupt my comfortable life. It was Sunday when I realized that trusting God, and showing God the love that He deserves means that I jump all in! To use my spiritual gifts to their ultimate potential. I am so thankful for the gifts that God has blessed me with. It is important that we know that God blesses us all with spiritual gifts. We can choose to use them and grow them into even more or we can bury them and watch them disappear. May we all trust God enough to Jump all in!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Unmeasurable
Over the last 12 weeks there have been several people that have asked when I was going to write a blog about Meritt. Everytime my answer has been the same...The love that I have, the experiences that have came are all so overwhelming that I can't begin to put it into words. Now I know as she grows there will be cute little stories that result in life lessons that will be fun to share but as for a blog about Meritt in general, well I don't know where to start and I don't know where to end. I will share a revelation that came to me in the car the other day.
My therapy is writing. Since Meritt has been born it has been on my mind and heart to write of her. To write of the overwhelming love and emotions that overtook Brian and I when we looked at her for the first time. Everytime I begin to write of this I am so overwhelmed with my love for her that I cannot put it into words. I find myself sitting in front of a blank screen wondering where I should begin the blog and 10 minutes later the screen is still blank so I shut the computer and leave the entry for another day.
A couple of days ago I was driving in my car thinking of this very thing when a thought came to me. My whole life I have been told that the love that God has for us is so grand that there is no way to possibly grasp it. The love that He has for us is unmeasurable. I couldn't help but think that while the love that I have for Meritt is so big that it can't be described; God's love for us is even bigger. It is even better than the love that I have for this precious girl. It is so funny that in the last 12 weeks my thoughts have been totally transformed. When Meritt is with us we are constantly taking care of her and giving her all the attention that a newborn needs (it is ALOT). Then when she is away the thought of her consumes my mind. Brian's parents and mine have babysat her several times and I trust them both more than they know. It is not the thoughts of if she's ok instead it is the thoughts of just how much I love her. I find myself praying multiple times a day just a simple prayer of thanksgiving for the blessing of Meritt. As you read this I am sure you get my point. She consumes my mind and she takes up a very large part of my heart.
I am humbled and overwhelmed to know that God loves us even more than that. I am thankful that God's love stretches farther than any number we can count, higher than any distance we can go, and longer than any ocean or land. Thanks be to God for His unmeasureable love!!
My therapy is writing. Since Meritt has been born it has been on my mind and heart to write of her. To write of the overwhelming love and emotions that overtook Brian and I when we looked at her for the first time. Everytime I begin to write of this I am so overwhelmed with my love for her that I cannot put it into words. I find myself sitting in front of a blank screen wondering where I should begin the blog and 10 minutes later the screen is still blank so I shut the computer and leave the entry for another day.
A couple of days ago I was driving in my car thinking of this very thing when a thought came to me. My whole life I have been told that the love that God has for us is so grand that there is no way to possibly grasp it. The love that He has for us is unmeasurable. I couldn't help but think that while the love that I have for Meritt is so big that it can't be described; God's love for us is even bigger. It is even better than the love that I have for this precious girl. It is so funny that in the last 12 weeks my thoughts have been totally transformed. When Meritt is with us we are constantly taking care of her and giving her all the attention that a newborn needs (it is ALOT). Then when she is away the thought of her consumes my mind. Brian's parents and mine have babysat her several times and I trust them both more than they know. It is not the thoughts of if she's ok instead it is the thoughts of just how much I love her. I find myself praying multiple times a day just a simple prayer of thanksgiving for the blessing of Meritt. As you read this I am sure you get my point. She consumes my mind and she takes up a very large part of my heart.
I am humbled and overwhelmed to know that God loves us even more than that. I am thankful that God's love stretches farther than any number we can count, higher than any distance we can go, and longer than any ocean or land. Thanks be to God for His unmeasureable love!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The Plaid Settee Sofa
It is the size of a loveseat but much nicer than a loveseat. It is made of silk, the edges of the skirt are scalloped and it has wonderful colors that make a plaid pattern. This settee has many stories to tell and to this day it is one of the most special pieces of furniture that I own. The first story that the settee can tell is this...my mom and I were in a small french furniture shop when we spotted the settee. I was very young so it was a loveseat to me with very little meaning. To my mom this was the perfect piece of furniture and she knew the very spot she wanted to place it in her home. She looked at it for sometime asked a few questions to the clerk and then we left. She called my dad at work to tell him how she found the perfect piece of furniture and that she loved it. My mom and I spent the rest of the afternoon running errands and when we got home I remember being astonished...the settee was sitting in our den. My dad had gone out that very day and purchased that settee and surprised my mother and me.
The next story this settee tells is of living with my nana and papa. Several years ago my grandparents decided to add onto their home and build a sunroom. They were looking for furnishings for the sunroom and my mom gave them the settee. Soon after the sunroom was built my nana got diagnosed with parkinson's disease and began a downward spiral with her health. My nana who has always been such an energetic spirit suddenly had to lay down alot. This settee was where I saw her lay many times. Two years ago July 29th my nana had a stroke. The stroke affected her health more than any of us could've imagined. Because of her decline in health my grandparents moved to an assisted living home. My grandparents had to do some serious downsizing to fit into their now two bedroom apartment at the assisted living complex. This is where the third story comes into play.
The third story is of Brian and I getting the settee. When my grandparents downsized we acquired the settee. It now sits in our master bedroom under a large window. It was here in the room when Meritt came home for the first time, it has let Meritt and myself lay down and rest after a night of little rest and it is always happy to let my dirty clothes lay on it :)
A simple piece of furniture but it is a piece that brings back so many special memories. There are happy stories and sad stories I am so thankful for the memories that it brings. I hope that you all can look back and remember something as simple as a piece of furniture and let memories pour in.
The next story this settee tells is of living with my nana and papa. Several years ago my grandparents decided to add onto their home and build a sunroom. They were looking for furnishings for the sunroom and my mom gave them the settee. Soon after the sunroom was built my nana got diagnosed with parkinson's disease and began a downward spiral with her health. My nana who has always been such an energetic spirit suddenly had to lay down alot. This settee was where I saw her lay many times. Two years ago July 29th my nana had a stroke. The stroke affected her health more than any of us could've imagined. Because of her decline in health my grandparents moved to an assisted living home. My grandparents had to do some serious downsizing to fit into their now two bedroom apartment at the assisted living complex. This is where the third story comes into play.
The third story is of Brian and I getting the settee. When my grandparents downsized we acquired the settee. It now sits in our master bedroom under a large window. It was here in the room when Meritt came home for the first time, it has let Meritt and myself lay down and rest after a night of little rest and it is always happy to let my dirty clothes lay on it :)
A simple piece of furniture but it is a piece that brings back so many special memories. There are happy stories and sad stories I am so thankful for the memories that it brings. I hope that you all can look back and remember something as simple as a piece of furniture and let memories pour in.
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