HOW?

      She's the woman awaiting results to find out if it's cancer, again.  He's the dad that helplessly waits for a donor to give his daughter a kidney.  It's the parents that haven't talked to their son in 3 months. They are the young couple who are trying for the 11th month in a row to get pregnant. It's the elderly woman that is pleading with God to heal her ailing husband. It's the single dad that is bringing his son up alone. It's the widow; every Sunday is a struggle but once again she walks in trying to get past her pain. Will the 9 month old that they've had since she was 6 weeks be taken away?



     Don't we all know these people? Maybe we don't know everyone of these people but I can almost bet that all of us know one of these people. Currently at this very moment I know every single one of the people above. I interact with each of these people on a weekly basis. When you read the above struggles you can't help but ask, how? How do they trust God when everything around them is caving in?

      A few Wednesday's ago our praise team gathered to sing at church. We sang songs like 'Mighty to Save' and I couldn't help but notice two grown men sitting in the pews of the sanctuary. They were the only two people even sitting. One was a dad of three kids. He had gotten word that day that neither he nor his wife could be the kidney donor for his daughter. The other was a dad of two girls. They are not his girls biologically, he and his wife foster them, but ask anyone that knows him or his wife and they will tell you that they are the very best parents to these girls.  Every week they ask themselves will this be the last week they are with us?

    As our praise team sang songs like 'Mighty to Save' and 'You are God Alone' these two dads sat on different pews. They had completely different burdens. They both had their eyes closed and they seemed to be giving their worries up to God. How? How do they give it up? How do they trust that His plan is the best plan? These two men and their families have weighed on my heart and mind since that Wednesday night. I have prayed for their families and for God to provide them with a calming peace as the await His plan to unfold. 

     I have also been haunted by their image on those pews. Never have I seen two people appear more trusting of God. They seemed to drink in the words of the songs we sang, ' Savior he can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save' and 'And right now in the good and the bad, You are on Your throne, You are God alone.' I have asked myself several times since then, How? How is it that everything is caving in around them and they still cling to God?

    Maybe it's because it's all they know to do in this desperate time. I think it's more than that. I think it is because God has always been faithful to them thus far. Granted His plan sometimes is completely different than what we would have chosen for ourselves but He has never turned His back on us. He is the Gracious giver that has provided us all a life with Him. During times of turmoil it is so easy to be anxious and not trust in Him. But when we do trust in Him we find a peace and a freedom that cannot be found anywhere else.

   

Love Your Loves!

If you have been in any sort of relationship then no doubt you have experienced it...petty bickering. Arguing over something completely unimportant and suddenly what was a petty argument has exploded into this HUGE, BIG, UGLY argument. Brian and I will be married 7 years this year so I can confidently say we have experience our share of petty bickering. Not necessarily something I am proud to admit but never the less has happened.


A couple of weeks ago Brian and I went to Greenfield to my aunts store I was being a very good "backseat driver" for most of the ride so it should not have surprised me when Brian snapped at me for telling him which parking spot to pull into. Unfortunately I was surprised and I did not handle it well. After he snapped I responded quickly with a tacky comment and then he back at me. Imagine a ping pong match of words...nasty words. "you drive me crazy telling me what spot to park in" " well you drive me crazy being the slowest person ever!" these comments continued and as Brian put the car in park I looked up and saw my grandad in the doorway of the store. I was painfully struck with the thought that my grandad would travel to the end of the earth to get to ride in the car with my grandma just one more time. Wow. The thought still pains me as I type it now.

This day was such a humble reminder of how blessed I am to have my husband here with me. This life passes so quick. I didn't realize just how fast until I experienced the death of someone so close to me and I have really been made aware now that I have a child. Like a dagger in my gut I was awakened to love my husband, cherish my husband and celebrate every moment that God blesses us with.

We were blessed to go away child free this past weekend and we really talked about our appreciation of each other. We talked about how quick life is and how much love we still have to give to each other. I am not exaggerating when I say this...our daughter at 8 months old already appreciates when she sees Brian and I greet each other at the end of the day. When he hugs me or kisses my forehead she smiles and hopefully it is teaching her at this young age to value marriage and to want a spouse that is much like her father.

With Valentine's tomorrow may we all stop and really take time out to tell the ones we love justbhow much they mean to us. May we pour out love on the ones we love and may we avoid the petty things that can so easily get in the way. Happy Valentine's!

Resolutions

        Well today is February 2nd and statistics say that 85% of us that made new years resolutions on January 1st have already left those resolutions behind. I am not sure if you are the type of person that makes new years resolutions or not. I am not a new years resolution type person. I have never been one to make resolutions and I think that a big part of the reason is because I know myself and I know that I wouldn't be disciplined enough to follow through for an entire year.


       This year however was different. I made a resolution. While I do need to eat healthier, lose weight, read my bible more (this list is endless) the resolution that I made was not about myself. I made a resolution to pray for someone new each week. Every Sunday since the begining of this year I have picked one person and I have prayed for them throughout the entire week. While driving my car, blow drying my hair, jogging through my neighborhood I have said prayers for a special person each week. Some of these people I have told and others I haven't even mentioned it to.

       This resolution has been relatively easy to keep. I have seriously enjoyed spending time focusing on someone else other than myself. It is so so so easy to get caught up in all the things that I would like to be different in my own life and when I focus only on me I find that I become bitter, jealous and selfish. To pray for someone else each week has taken the focus that I am so good at putting on myself and geared it towards someone else.

        If you are going through a time of self pity or a low in your life I encourage you to turn the focus off of you and turn it towards someone else. You will find that there is so much JOY in praying focusing and caring for others! You will find that seeing God work in the lives of others is such a reward!! May we all pray more and pray for each other!

So meaningless with so much meaning

     It sits on the counter above my kitchen sink. It smells like Cinnamon and it is red. It is a candle that I bought on October 24, 2011. It is completely burnt down to wear all that is left is the two wicks. I was cleaning yesterday and I picked it up to throw it away and I couldn't bring myself to drop it in the trash can. Why? I think that anyone reading this would agree that a candle is a pretty meaningless object. This candle that I have described isn't just any candle. I bought this candle the day my Nana died. We were at the florist picking flowers for her casket and I just felt so empty so I did what I usually do when I need to feel better...I bought something (ha!). I bought 2 of these candles one for me and one for my mom. I remember thinking to myself that this candle is really big it is going to last for a really long time. Well it's been three months and the wax has all burned and there really isn't a use for this candle in my house but I can't let it go. This candle that is so meaningless has so much meaning for me. It reminds me of that last day of my Nana's life. It reminds me of the tears, the love and the bond that my family shared in saying goodbye to my sweet Nana.



     So meaningless with so much meaning. We all have objects in our life that hold sentimental value. I am thankful for the reminders that these objects provide.

Let it Be Christmas

     How many of you have heard about these Mystery Santa's on the news these last few weeks. These "santa's" are men and women who are truly good samaritan's. These people are scattered all throughout the United States and they are going into local department stores and paying off people's layaways. I have seen many interviews from different people who have gotten a phone call saying that their layaway had been paid for them to come and redeem their items. I watched a mom cry telling how her family has 2 cars in the shop, money has been so tight and such a burden has been lifted off of her shoulders.


      It isn't just huge monetary gifts that have impressed me. I read a friend's facebook status saying that her and her husband drove through a fast food drive thru and when they got to the window to pay the lady said that the person in front of them had paid for their meal. A complete stranger bought their meal! Wow! So in turn her and her husband paid for the meal of the person behind them.

   These stories of good people could go on and on! It is so nice to hear of these stories when sometimes we feel so bombarded by the negativity of this world. It is encouraging to know that people have good hearts and want to see good things come to others.

    I am also reminded of my "layaway" that was paid. See without Jesus being born and dying for me I would be like the mom with 2 cars in the shop and no way to provide for my family. I would be a lost cause. The layaway that Jesus paid for us is SO much greater than any materialistic things of this world! Thanks be to God! May we all remember that He is the Reason for the Season and pass His love to all that we encounter!

Priorities

         In the last few weeks I have began my Christmas shopping. It is different this year because most of the time I have a little 5 month old tagging along.  The process takes a little longer this year because we stop for bottle breaks or wrecking into racks with the stroller :). One thing that has not changed this year is my ability to find something for myself that I just HAVE to HAVE. I mean seriously I can be at Gander Mountain or The Great Outdoor Store and find something that has "Brooke" written all over it.


          I was in Marshall's one day over these last few weeks and I found something for myself that I absolutely loved. The good voice inside my head reminded me that this is Christmas time and that I am to be buying for others not myself. Reluctantly I hung the item back on the rack and resumed my quest to find the perfect gifts for the one's I love. The bad voice inside my head continued to tell me how much I needed the sweater, how cute it would be at holiday party's, how it is soooo one of a kind...yada, yada, yada. I tried my best to ignore that bad voice. I bought gifts for others and left the sweater for me hanging on the rack. As I walked out of the store I could almost hear that sweater crying out to me "you know you want me!"

       The next day while driving in my car I thought about the sweater. (Now if you don't have a passion for shopping you may not understand this but for me this is perfectly normal. There are plenty of times that I pass an item by and still days after I find myself thinking of the item wishing that I had bought it).  After thinking of the sweater my very next thought was a painful thought. I wondered to myself when is the last time I thought this much over God? When is the last time I couldn't get enough of His word? When is the last time I couldn't stop praying to Him? Painfully I answered myself with a shameful answer...I can't remember the last time.

   It is so embarrassing that I have thought for 72 hours over a 30 dollar sweater that A) I could afford and B) I have a million more hanging in my closet. It is so embarrassing that I couldn't recall the last time I spent as much time thinking about my relationship with God as I do picking out my outfit for the day. I have been challenged to spend more time with God and less time with the superficial things of this world. I pray that over the hustle and bustle of this holiday season we all STOP and just thank God for who He is and what He has done for all of us. May we all reevaluate our priorities. I am thankful to God and the love and compassion that He provides even when I give more thought to a sweater than to Him.

It Happened

     It happened...after 54 years of marriage, 3 girls, 10 grandchildren and a life long relationship with Christ she went to paradise. It is the first time in my life I have lost someone I was really close to. So far I have thought about her everyday, I have said a prayer for my mom everyday and I have been sad for my papa everyday. I say I have thought of my Nana everyday but not in the way you might imagine. Yes, I have missed her but that is not the thoughts that I have had. Instead it has been the thoughts of what is she doing? Does she see people that have died before her? These thoughts are the one's that reside inside of me. I miss her so much and if I think about how much I miss her I start to feel like I have been punched in the stomach.


      More than my own grief and pain, I hurt for my papa. They had the type of marriage that Brian and I strive for. They were best friends, partners, teammates and they loved God more than each other. I hurt for my mom. She and my Nana had a special relationship. They confided in each other, laughed with each other and were more than mother/daughter they were best friends.

      I remember thinking after the funeral; What Now? We have known for some time that my Nana wasn't getting better and we knew that death would be in her near future but it isn't real until it happens. Driving back from Mckenzie that day I knew what to do from this point on. I knew that I wanted to live my life in a way that would please her. I want to teach Meritt the things that my Nana taught me.

    It is so sad and so unbelievably hard to let go of someone that we love so much. There are so many things that can come from something as emotional and sad as this. We can be bitter, we can be reclusive or we can live in a way that would make the person we love and miss so proud.