Slipping Through Our Fingers

               

      I've never been a big New Years Eve fan, I go to bed early and wake up early so staying up until the clock strikes midnight is a form of torture for me.  This year we planned to have a family night in with movies, chili, and pajamas.  Meritt was upstairs playing, the chili was simmering on the stove, I was unloading the dishwasher (with my 7 month old assistant, Wells), and Brian was gathering the trash to take it outside.  Meritt yells from upstairs "I pee peed" we say good job, or something to that effect, Brian goes outside and I hear a noise just over our dishwasher.  I look at Wells who is standing at the dishwasher and is being showered with water, it takes me a few seconds to realize that this water is coming from our ceiling.  I run outside yell at Brian to come in and when I step back in the kitchen I see that water is now pouring from the ceiling above the stovetop as well, our chili on the stovetop is being showered with water from our upstairs bathroom...YUCK!


         Brian runs upstairs turns the water off and it still takes a good 10-15 minutes for all the water to drain down out of our ceiling.  Ends up Meritt used almost an entire roll of toilet paper when she went to the restroom causing the toilet to back up and shower our kitchen.  We often refer to ourselves as the Griswold's, once the water was turned off and Brian came downstairs we grabbed towels began cleaning the kitchen and laughing that our chili was ruined, our kitchen ceiling was now discolored and that we were having a rockin new years eve. 


      This past Sunday, one of my girlfriends sent me a text that it was 4 years ago Sunday that I was pregnant with Meritt and we were having her gender reveal party.  She then said "where has the time gone?" I replied  "it is slipping through our fingers".  My friend and I have had many conversations over the last few years about how quickly our kids are growing and how we sometimes wish we could hit the pause button. 

      If only life were like the water gushing through our kitchen ceiling.  If only we could run to the water valve and turn it off.  If only we could stop time and relish in the moments for just a little longer.  My kids lives are like water that has been poured in the palms of my hands it is slipping through my fingers no matter how tightly I squeeze. 

      Life moves fast, the days are long and the years, gosh, the years they are so short.  The time we can't get back, the memories will last, so I press on taking an obscene amount of pictures and trying to carve into my brain the moments that I will so desperately miss.  I still find myself squeezing my fingers tight and hoping that if I squeeze tight enough I can pause time for just a moment. 

Too Much Love

        People question you.  People tell you that you are over investing and you could end up getting hurt.  People tell you to love from a distance because if you give too much love your heart could get broken.  People tell you to stop bringing these orphans in and just have kids of your own, they tell you things will be less complicated that way.  People tell you not to buy toys or clothes for them because you don't know how long you will have them and that will just be money wasted.

        People tell you lots of stuff but you keep going.  You keep loving and you keep fulfilling the task that God has called you to do.  You know that tears are going to shed, you know your heart could very likely be broken, you see the sweet stuffed animal and you buy it because you hope that maybe that could remind him of you. You give him love, against peoples warnings, because you know that is exactly what he needs.  He needs to feel love, he needs to feel safe and he needs to feel secure.  You have fallen completely in love with this baby boy and everyone that sees him knows that he has fallen in love with you, too. 


      Some of our dear friends have been fostering a baby boy since this summer.  They got him just after he was born and they have loved and cared for him ever since.  They have given of themselves in every way imaginable.  They got up with him during the sleepless newborn nights, changed all of his diapers, wiped his runny nose and kissed all over his sweet baby face; all the while knowing that he might not stay with them forever.  They love him and want the very best for Him. 


    Tomorrow is court and they could very possibly telling him goodbye tomorrow.  It will be the hardest thing they have had to do.  They have risked all of their own emotions to make certain that this little one was loved and cared for.  All I can think is how much they have been Jesus to this boy.  Standing on the sidelines are all of us, their friends & family.  Tomorrow on the sidelines we will be on our knees praying for God to be glorified, God to protect this boy,  God to use this boy to do mighty things, for this boy to know God and not only know God but to serve God.   We will be praying for our friends, for God to provide them peace, for God to heal their broken hearts, for God to provide them just what they need on the hard days. 

     I am asking you to join me on the sidelines praying. I am also asking you to hear God's calling for your life and do it even when the call is messy.  Read stories in the bible, almost everyone God called was put in a messy place to further the kingdom.  May we all love like Christ and risk all of our own comforts and emotions to further God's Kingdom.

Zucchini Lasagna

           Several asked me to share my recipe for zucchini lasagna so I thought this was the easiest place to share it.  I found a recipe on pinterest and another recipe in a cookbook here at home called, Skinny Dinners, it is a Better Homes and Gardens cookbook.  I took what I liked out of each recipe and made up my own from the two.  I will also add, in the picture above I am using a veggie spiralizer  but you could easily use a mandolin or slice your zucchini in super thin slices with a sharp knife. This spiralizer was at the top of my Christmas list this year.  It came from Williams Sonoma and you can purchase one here .

 It is $50 and worth every penny. You can spiralize veggies to look like angel hair noodles, you can do them curled like in the picture above or you can use it as a mandolin.  I have used it to make a couple of different cold cucumber salads, pad Thai and a couple of Italian dishes substituting vegetables for my noodles.

        I made this lasagna meatless and in place of meat I sautéed spinach and portobello mushrooms.  You could easily do ground beef or ground sausage in place of the spinach and mushrooms or you could even have it as an addition.  I first preheated my oven to 375 degrees.  Next I  spiralized my zucchini using the setting that best resembled lasagna noodles. Next I chopped my portobello mushrooms into cubes.  In a hot skillet I put the zucchini in and sautéed it for 4-5 minutes. 

 

 

After the zucchini was sautéed I poured the zucchini into a strainer and let the zucchini drain.  Zucchini retains some water so I wanted to get all the water out.

 

 

While the zucchini continued to drain, using the same skillet I threw in the package of frozen spinach and the chopped mushrooms. I sautéed these until they were heated all the way through about 7 minutes. 

 

 

While my spinach and mushrooms were sautéing, in a separate bowl I put 15 oz part skim ricotta cheese and 1 egg and stirred these until well combined.

 

 

 

Somewhere around this step this little one decided he needed to help me.  He is too cute and I know I will miss him being under my feet in a few short years.

 

 

In another separate bowl I mixed my pasta sauce and 1 can of tomato sauce (I also added a generous pinch of crushed red pepper for spice).

 Now I was ready to start assembling my lasagna. I started with a layer of sauce, next zucchini, next the cheese mixture and then the spinach & mushrooms. I repeated this until I was out of ingredients.

 

 

Just before putting my lasagna in the oven I topped it with 4 slices of fresh mozzarella cheese. I cooked the lasagna at 375 degrees for 25-30 minutes and then broiled it for an additional 5 minutes to make things bubbly.

 

 

This meal was a hit at our house and we will definitely have it again!!

 

Here are the ingredients you will need to make this:

 

2-3 medium zucchinis

1 jar of your favorite pasta sauce

1 8 oz can of tomato sauce

1 15oz container of skim ricotta cheese

1 egg

1 pkg frozen spinach

2 portabella mushrooms

2tbsp of olive oil for your skillet

4 slices of fresh mozzarella (optional)

 

 

 



Wedding Cake

            We had a wedding to attend this past weekend.  I decided to bring my 3 year old daughter because she has been asked to be a flower girl in a wedding this summer.  On the way to the wedding I told my daughter that we were going to wedding and that she would need to be quiet during the wedding.  I also told her that after the wedding there would be a party and there would be cake. The mention of cake made her face light up and a huge smile formed on her face. 


          We enter the church and are met with dimmed lights, violinists playing beautiful music, fresh flowers, and men waiting in tuxedos to escort us to our seat.  We are seated and Meritt is completely entertained with the violinists and the people being seated all around us...5 minutes later she is asking when is the wedding going to start.  I do my best to distract her for a few more minutes and then the wedding begins.  Grandparents are seated, parents are seated and then the bridesmaids and groomsmen come down the aisle and take their places on the stage.  With each person escorted down, Meritts eyes are glued on them.  Next, the bridal processional begins, the mother of the bride stands, the rest of the church stands and the bride and her father come down the aisle.  Meritt asks "mommy is that a princess?" I say yes because for the day the bride is a princess.  Next, Meritt says "now do we get cake?" I smile and tell her that we have to watch the wedding first. 



         A three year olds innocent question, "now do we get cake?" reminds me of my very own wedding.  I got engaged and immediately began the wedding planning.  My parents blessed me with the wedding of my dreams and at the time I thought it had to be that way now I look at how much they spent and it makes me sick to my stomach.  During my engagement, I spent time searching shopping finding the perfect dress, the perfect reception hall, the perfect cake, the perfect flowers.  The search for planning the perfect wedding consumed me for 11 months. 


         I spent my entire engagement zoned in on my wedding ceremony and yes we did a little counseling but if I am honest we were clueless as to what marriage was.  When planning my wedding I didn't dream of days that my husband would come home to me not having had a shower and smelling like spit up, I didn't dream that our grandparents would die and we would need each others shoulders to cry on, I didn't dream that my dad would get sick, I didn't dream that there would be times when he was in dental school that we couldn't afford to go out to eat (at a chain restaurant), I didn't dream that I would run over our mailbox, or that he would lose his keys (a billion times).  I didn't dream these things instead I dreamed of things like wedding cake.

        What 9.5 years of marriage has taught me is that the real cake can't be eaten.  The real cake is having his shoulder to cry on, the real cake is looking into his eyes and making up after a silly fight, the real cake is seeing his grin when the ultrasound tech says "its a boy", the real cake is seeing how soft and gentle he is with our little girl, the real cake is remembering that on July 9th we committed to God to be one and to love each other on the sunny days and the stormy days.  My greatest hope is that we are able to lead by example and give our kids a "taste" of real wedding cake. 

      

FRESH START

         My list for the new year is long. I have many things that I want to accomplish in 2015.  Here are some of the many...

-judge less, be more accepting- this is something I struggle with maybe because I am a female or maybe not but either way I want to accept people right where they are. My husband is great at this and he is a great source of motivation.
-listen more, speak less-if you know me then you know that my struggle is real
-memorize weekly verses with Meritt- we started this in August and it is wonderful to memorize weekly verses as a family and to have those words written on all of our hearts
- healthier eating- for the most part our house eats healthy but we do indulge and we are trying to do that less and enjoy the fresh, colorful pallet of food that comes straight from the earth
- cherish everyday- with two little ones it often feels that life is in fast forward. I want to drink it all in and try and remember these days
- less cell phone-I look at it too much! I want to put it away and just enjoy moments
-record or write down Meritt's prayers- at 3 years old the prayers that she says are way too precious and I know I will be so sad one day for not having them recorded.
-regular date nights- since having a second child we haven't done this nearly enough
-read more books- I love to read and since having kids i have maybe read 1 or 2 books
-zip my lips- if I have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all
-travel more- this is on our family's list every year
-pray more with Brian- we used to pray just the two of us all the time but we have let the distractions of life interfere and we need to get back to that place
-let the people I love know- I don't want to assume that people know how much I love and appreciate them I want to make sure to tell them often
-have a bigger garden- we have a garden every summer and this year I want to expand it and get Meritt involved in it
-appreciate the mundane- ordinary days are the ones that I will look back and miss
-affirm Brian-I think wonderful things about my husband and I do try and share those with him but I want to do better and let him know how thankful I am to have him

I have more, my list is long. There are days when I will succeed at many and maybe even all of these.  There are days that I am going to fail miserably all.day.long.  I am thankful for grace and that my belief in Jesus means that everyday is a chance for a fresh start. Anyone else have new goals for 2015?

Loss of Giants

   It has been a wonderful 2014 for our immediate family.  Meritt has grown and blossomed before our very eyes. She has become a wonderful big sister and made us so happy in every way. Speaking of big sister...we were blessed with a new baby boy, Wells,  in May and what a perfect blessing he has been. Brian and I were also able to become an aunt and uncle for the first time to a beautiful niece, Cora Belle, she is perfect in every way and it has been a true blessing to watch Brooke and Jordan settle into their new role as parents. 


    Not everyday has been good but overall it has been a good year and God has used everyday to reveal himself to us in some sort of way.  For my church family 2014 has been a good year but also a year of loss. We have lost some giants this year. We said goodbye to some true men and women of God. Men and women who poured themselves into furthering the kingdom.  Men and women who made financial, family and personal sacrifices to watch people learn about Jesus and to see God's Kingdom expand in Jackson, TN and also across the world. 


   Yesterday, our church lost another giant. While a wave of sadness and grief washed over everyone that knew him, it also catapulted us to make our life count.  To make my life be more than the dining room I've been trying to decorate or the last few gifts I have left to buy.  To make life more than my personal bucket list of places I want to visit or the fitness goals I am trying to accomplish.  While all the giants that we lost this year had good lives, took great trips, and accomplished many personal goals those aren't the things that people remember about them. 


   The weeks spent on the mission fields, the time he paid for the young boys college, the time she organized all the trail blazer functions, the time he did weekly devotional with the inner city kids...these and so much more are the things that people remember.  The selfless, Christ-like acts are the ones that people see when they look at the dash on the tombstone...date of birth - date of death.  They made the dash of their life count. 

   This year I have found myself looking around the sanctuary on Sundays and noticing the widows and widowers. A knot forms in my throat and I hold back tears thinking of how they were just here the week before or the month before.  I think of the impact they had on my personal life and on the lives of people all around the world.  I then remember that the joy and satisfaction of a life well lived comes from giving, sacrificing and glorifying God in everything I do.  Instead of being sad, I will commit to making my dash count.  When my days on this earth are over I want to have lived a life that honored Jesus and was more about HIM and less about me...just as these giants have done.

My Shoulder, Your Head

         It was a Monday night and I had just birthed you.  When they handed you to me I held you against my chest and that's when my shoulder met your head.  It was a perfect fit and my entire body instantly knew that you, my boy, were mine. The warmth, overflowing love, and instant gratification that you gave me were all just almost more than my heart could handle. 


        Since that Monday night in May I have held you a lot and my shoulder and your head always seem to find each other.  It seems to be your resting place and your source of comfort. The back of your head nestled against the inside of my neck.  Your pudgy little cheek resting softly on my shoulder.  In the middle of the night when you have cried out as you cut new teeth I have held you and consoled you, my shoulder held your head and there you found comfort.  Through ear infections, tummy aches and sniffles my shoulder has held your head and there you found relief.


      When our dog of 9 years, Jackson, passed away I held you close.  Your head on my shoulder and I sobbed as I mourned Jackson.  Your head on my shoulder brought me comfort.  You see it is just as much a resting place for me as it is for you. Having your sweet head on my shoulder brings me peace that only a mother can understand. 


     You have already lost that newborn smell, your head has grown bigger and I know that the years are numbered that you will enjoy putting your head on my shoulder.  My boy, I hope you always know that I am here; my shoulder is here for scraped knees, broken hearts and bruised egos.  My shoulder will be here until my time on earth runs out and the truth is everyday my shoulder will probably long for your head to rest there.