Priorities

         In the last few weeks I have began my Christmas shopping. It is different this year because most of the time I have a little 5 month old tagging along.  The process takes a little longer this year because we stop for bottle breaks or wrecking into racks with the stroller :). One thing that has not changed this year is my ability to find something for myself that I just HAVE to HAVE. I mean seriously I can be at Gander Mountain or The Great Outdoor Store and find something that has "Brooke" written all over it.


          I was in Marshall's one day over these last few weeks and I found something for myself that I absolutely loved. The good voice inside my head reminded me that this is Christmas time and that I am to be buying for others not myself. Reluctantly I hung the item back on the rack and resumed my quest to find the perfect gifts for the one's I love. The bad voice inside my head continued to tell me how much I needed the sweater, how cute it would be at holiday party's, how it is soooo one of a kind...yada, yada, yada. I tried my best to ignore that bad voice. I bought gifts for others and left the sweater for me hanging on the rack. As I walked out of the store I could almost hear that sweater crying out to me "you know you want me!"

       The next day while driving in my car I thought about the sweater. (Now if you don't have a passion for shopping you may not understand this but for me this is perfectly normal. There are plenty of times that I pass an item by and still days after I find myself thinking of the item wishing that I had bought it).  After thinking of the sweater my very next thought was a painful thought. I wondered to myself when is the last time I thought this much over God? When is the last time I couldn't get enough of His word? When is the last time I couldn't stop praying to Him? Painfully I answered myself with a shameful answer...I can't remember the last time.

   It is so embarrassing that I have thought for 72 hours over a 30 dollar sweater that A) I could afford and B) I have a million more hanging in my closet. It is so embarrassing that I couldn't recall the last time I spent as much time thinking about my relationship with God as I do picking out my outfit for the day. I have been challenged to spend more time with God and less time with the superficial things of this world. I pray that over the hustle and bustle of this holiday season we all STOP and just thank God for who He is and what He has done for all of us. May we all reevaluate our priorities. I am thankful to God and the love and compassion that He provides even when I give more thought to a sweater than to Him.

It Happened

     It happened...after 54 years of marriage, 3 girls, 10 grandchildren and a life long relationship with Christ she went to paradise. It is the first time in my life I have lost someone I was really close to. So far I have thought about her everyday, I have said a prayer for my mom everyday and I have been sad for my papa everyday. I say I have thought of my Nana everyday but not in the way you might imagine. Yes, I have missed her but that is not the thoughts that I have had. Instead it has been the thoughts of what is she doing? Does she see people that have died before her? These thoughts are the one's that reside inside of me. I miss her so much and if I think about how much I miss her I start to feel like I have been punched in the stomach.


      More than my own grief and pain, I hurt for my papa. They had the type of marriage that Brian and I strive for. They were best friends, partners, teammates and they loved God more than each other. I hurt for my mom. She and my Nana had a special relationship. They confided in each other, laughed with each other and were more than mother/daughter they were best friends.

      I remember thinking after the funeral; What Now? We have known for some time that my Nana wasn't getting better and we knew that death would be in her near future but it isn't real until it happens. Driving back from Mckenzie that day I knew what to do from this point on. I knew that I wanted to live my life in a way that would please her. I want to teach Meritt the things that my Nana taught me.

    It is so sad and so unbelievably hard to let go of someone that we love so much. There are so many things that can come from something as emotional and sad as this. We can be bitter, we can be reclusive or we can live in a way that would make the person we love and miss so proud.