It was two hours past her bedtime and she was absolutely exhausted! We had some friends over and let her stay up past her bedtime and she was quickly becoming an exhausted, tantrum throwing mess. Her dad took her upstairs to put her to bed and at a day shy of being 35 weeks pregnant I didn't complain that I didn't have to climb the stairs and wrestle her to bed. They had been upstairs for about 10 minutes and she is still sobbing and now she is also calling out "mommy." I go upstairs to assist my husband and comfort Meritt. When I walk in her room she sees me and through tears cries out "I need you mommy!" Let me first say that I have an incredible husband and he is more than a perfect dad to Meritt but in that moment she "needed" me.
At 2.5 years old the normal statement from her mouth is "I do it myself" so to hear the words "I need you mommy" made me weak in the knees and my heart skipped a beat. I crawled into her bed and laid beside her and wrapped her in my arms. Her tear and snot soaked face pressed against my chest and in that moment nothing else existed except for my little girl and her "need" for me. Deep down I know that she needs me for all kinds of things. I know that at her age she could not survive on her own but with each day her desire for a little more independence is a brutal reminder that she is only mine for a small time. She is a growing thriving little girl and the more she can do by herself the happier she is. But in those moments, in those precious moments, that she reminds me that she needs me I am so happy and eager to be there to help her and love on her as much as she will allow.
After she calmed down and let us tuck her in I found myself lying in my own bed thinking about my own desire for independence from God. Just like Meritt couldn't possibly survive on her own; without God I wouldn't make it a day. Deep down I know that, yet I find myself living my own life and making lots of decisions without seeking Him and His guidance. In times of pure exhaustion and desperation in this life I find myself crying out saying "I need you God." How deep the Father's love is and how thankful I am because in those times that I cry out He is there and He scoops me up and wraps His arms around me and comforts me and quiets the storms in my life. In those times I am reminded that my own life isn't much different than the life of my toddler. In those times I am humbled at the reminder of how small I am and just how big God is.
Thanks be to God that His mercies are new every morning and His love never gives up on me. How thankful I am to have a God that comes when I need Him and is always waiting with open arms to scoop me up.
