On Monday my daughter came home from school and as usual I opened her backpack up to see what homework she had for the week. I opened her folder and there it was a white piece of paper that made my heart stop, a tinge of sadness came over me as I realized yet another page in her book of life was almost time to be turned. The paper was informing us it was time to order her Kindergarten cap and gown. Her Kindergarten year the year that seemed a million moons away just a few years ago was now nearing the end. I couldn't help but wish for her to need me some more til she doesn't need me anymore.
I can remember times in her first couple of years I wished she didn't need me so much. I wished she had more independence so that I could get things done. As we all know that is impossible for a baby and now looking back I see just how quickly those years of needing me 24/7 passed by. And isn't it funny to think that here I sit just a few years later mourning the days that I used to want to hurry and pass me by. Today I look at the yesterdays behind me and I am thankful for the times she needed me more.
Her independence these days is impressive and heartbreaking all at the same time. As all mothers know watching your child grow up is a constant beaming with pride at the new things they are learning & achieving while also watching your heart shatter and break knowing that is a little less they need of you. She reads books to her little brother at night, books that just a few months ago I was reading to both of them. She has never been more sure of what clothes look best on her and has gotten so good at reminding me that my taste in clothes is a "mom's" taste. She wakes and gets her own breakfast and gets herself dressed. Admittedly some mornings this one doesn't make me too sad but never the less still a reminder that she needs me less and less. She leaves for school and I think I wish she needed me some more.
And just when I start to get sad she does something like last night to remind me just how much she still needs me. Last night I was up at 2:30 with her little brother who was crying uncontrollably because he wanted it to be daylight. My groggy self held him explaining that it was the middle of the night and everyone was asleep. I laid him down and rubbed his back until he fell back asleep. I come downstairs get back in bed to be woken up at 4 by my girl. In tears she tells me she is scared because she had a bad dream about a witch. Through her tears and loud sobs she asks me to come lay with her. I grabbed my pillow and went upstairs to finish our sleep in her bed. I laid beside her rubbing her back and smiling because she was reminding me that she Needs Me Some More til She Won't Need Me Anymore.
