For You Are Good

         Yesterday at church we were singing a song and we got to a verse and this is what it said "for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me..." as I sang these words I caught a glimpse of one of the strongest women that I know. As I looked at her she was singing these words and the tears began to stream down my face.


         I was in awe that a woman who has been through so many trials was standing, head held high and singing the words "for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me..." As a young mother she went through a divorce, she later met the love of her life and he put his heart and soul into loving her and helping her to raise her son. Many years later she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. The outlook was bad, death was the expected outcome. If you know this lady it is no surprise that she fought the battle and won. The battle of cancer was one of the hardest I've heard about but her relationship with God and the love from her husband helped her to fight the cancer and win. This by the way was a surprise to her doctors and to those that knew just how bad the cancer was.

        Then this summer it was a normal Sunday morning she was going to walk with her neighbor and then get dressed for church just as she did most Sunday mornings. She walked to her husbands side of the bed to wake him and her heart sank. He had passed away in his sleep. He was too young for this, she was too young for this, they had just talked and laughed right before they went to bed. Once again devastation. It is now October and every time I look at her I see pure sadness in her eyes. I cry for her and pray for her often.

      Sunday I sang the words "for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me..." and cried as I saw Alicia Brown singing these same words. I cried because those words come a little easier for me. I was sitting in the pew with my husband. I cried because I am not sure that I have her strength. Don't get me wrong there is not a day that goes by that she doesn't long for Ron to hold her and there probably has not been a night since he died that she has slept through the night. But she has a strength about her that only comes from God and even though she doesn't understand why she has faced so many battles and others around her have faced so little she continues to love the Lord and sing to Him. Thank you Alicia for your strength! Thank you for loving God even in this storm! You are truly teaching all of us as you weather this chapter of life! I love you!

ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM

       Last night I read an essay that one of my cousin's wrote for a college English class. She wrote the essay about my Nana. My Nana has been in hospice care for about 2 months now. When she started receiving hospice care they told us that the outlook was grim and that she might only have 6 days left on earth. Here two months later the reports are still very grim and it is one of those things that only God knows the time and day. So until she goes to Heaven we twinge every time the phone rings. My mom and her sister have truly worn themselves out doing everything they can to help my papa out. The emotional toil that it takes to watch your parent die is more than I ever imagined.  Brian's family went through the same thing with his grandad but it was during the first couple of weeks of Meritt's birth so those weeks are truly a blur for me.

      After reading the essay last night I sat on the couch with tears streaming down my face. Meritt was asleep in my arms and I rubbed her head and prayed that I enjoy every moment that I get with her because the essay was a reminder of just how short this life is. My cousin shared lots of memories of my Nana. As I read these memories they all came flooding back and it seemed like it was just yesterday that we were eating Sunday lunch at her house, or listening to her laugh at my dad and uncle Chris. It was so shocking to think that not that long ago my Nana was healthy and able to do as she pleased. I was struck with pain at the thought of how quickly time passes by.

     I am blessed to talk to my mom on the phone everyday. Many days we talk multiple times. I remember that not that long ago my mom and Nana talked on the phone everyday. I can't imagine the void my mom feels by not talking to her mother everyday. Again I am struck with pain at how quickly things change and how quickly time passes.

     My little Meritt can roll over, laugh out loud, sleep through the night, and follow me with her eyes and face as I walk through a room. I am ecstatic over all of these milestones and yet at the same time I get sad at how fast she is growing. These past four months have swished by me and while this reminder isn't so painful it is still a reminder of how quickly time passes by.

      I am so so thankful for the relationships in my life! So thankful for the blessing of family and for the gift of love. It is so sad to see the people we love the most suffer and it is so difficult to say goodbye. I am reminded everyday of just how precious life is and how quickly it goes. I pray that we all say extra "thank yous" for our blessings and that we savor this life more and more everyday!