14

             Because 14 is too young to lose your mom.  Because 14 is too young to not have anyone that wants you when your mom dies.  Because 14 is supposed to be the time of your life.  Because 14 is such a critical age in life. Because 14 is too young to be in charge of making all the decisions at the funeral home.  For all of the reasons and many more his life currently sucks.

           He can't eat, he says he is depressed.  When you ask him what you can do he says "I just want my mama."  Crocodile tears run down his face and he says " I just need her." He has always been required to make adult decisions as a child.  His carefree childhood never existed.  He has done some really stupid things and he has done some really honorable things.  He has been through more than most will ever go through in their whole life.


        He asks why? He asks will I ever feel better? I honestly don't know the answer to either so instead I tell him I will pray and I will do any earthly things that I can for him. I toss and turn all night hurting for him, praying for him. I find myself kneeling before the Almighty and pleading for comfort for him.


       Many ask what can be done and the truth is I don't know. I can't make his mom come back to life and I can't fill the hole that is now in his heart. So I tell them to pray. I ask everyone to hit their knees and ask for comfort, peace and a better life for Josh.


       This picture is Josh.  His mom died yesterday and his future is full of uncertainty and it is such a critical age in a persons life.  I ask if you read this please send a prayer up for him. 

Normal Day

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.  Let me learn from, love you, bless you before you depart.  Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.  Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so.  One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."
                                                                                                                      - Mary Jean Irion



            Yesterday, for me, was a normal day. Nothing extraordinary, nothing out of the ordinary.  My children and husband woke up happy, I fed my children, we visited with some people that we love, had supper as a family, took baths, read bedtime stories, said prayers and went to sleep feeling that yesterday was a normal but good day.


           Yesterday, for some, was an anything but normal day. Several friends who are very near and dear to me had days that ranged from extraordinary to devastating. Yesterday my cousin and his wife sat in a courtroom, on their 3rd wedding anniversary, and waited to hear a judges ruling on whether the foster child that they have had since he was a couple of weeks old would be taken away.  Yesterday a precious friend put her hand on her belly and remembered the baby that she miscarried 1 year ago to the day, she also thanked God for the precious baby that is growing inside of her.  Yesterday a friend got a call that no one wants to receive. Her brother had suddenly died leaving behind his 3 young children.  Yesterday some friends ran around town doing last minute preparation's for their wedding on Saturday.


       People get jobs, people lose jobs.  People are born and people die.  People get a clear bill of health and people get diagnosed with cancer. It is life.  These things, as hard as we may try, cannot be avoided. On the days when life seems mundane or we are craving more may we stop and be thankful. May we stop wanting more and instead relish in the here and now.

       There will be days and chapters in all of our lives that we will hurt and in those days we will find ourselves praying, begging for a normal day. Be thankful for the here and now for none of us know what tomorrow may bring. 

I Have Seen Her

            I have seen her. The Target parking lot, the produce section at Kroger, standing in the LONG line at the post office...I've seen her all these places and many more. Sometimes she is in her forties and sometimes in her fifties, sixties or seventies, sometimes her skin is brown and sometimes white, Sometimes she is fit and sometimes she is barely able to walk. While each time her appearance is completely different the one thing that makes her identifiable is the look in her eyes when she sees me.

            You see every time she sees me I am not alone. I am toting a 15lb baby in a 10 lb carrier in my right arm and the rest of my entire body is leaning to the left to try and somehow not topple over. In my left hand I hold the precious fingers of a three year old who will most definitely dart away if our hands aren't intertwined. Sometimes when I have seen her she has seen the bags under my eyes that tell her I was up all night with a fussy 3 month old, sometimes when she sees me she hears me bribing my 3 year old to be good just a little bit longer and I will give her a treat, she has heard me raise my voice, she has watched as I turned my head and pretended not see my child eat the dirty grapes out of the bag in the grocery line, she has heard me answer 448 questions from my three year old, she has seen me make silly faces at my 3 month old and she has seen me trying to comfort him when he is sick of errands.



         Her eyes are what make her recognizable.  Her eyes see me with my babies and then her eyes look at me and without her having to say a word her eyes tell me that she misses it. She misses all of it and if it were possible she would sell a lot of possessions and give up some amazing vacations to go back just a moment in time and have her babies in her arms and under her roof just one more time.  Her eyes tell me that she knows I am tired but don't get discouraged and don't blink because time is a vapor and if you blink it will all be over. Your kids will be grown, you will be alone at the grocery, you won't hear the pitter patter of feet in your house anymore and you will miss it. Her eyes tell me that every time she sees babies her arms long to hold hers one more time.


         Babies grow so fast and pretty soon they are kids and a few seconds later they are adults and before we know it they have kids of their own. On the days when it feels like I cannot deal with one more tantrum, on the nights when it feels like I cannot listen to my baby cry one more second; I see her. I see her eyes looking at me, looking at my babies and I remember just how precious this time of my life is. Motherhood is hard, exhausting and one of the least glamorous jobs on earth but as I said before time is a vapor and very soon I will not be seeing her I will be her. I will be walking out of Target seeing a young mom with her young babies and I will be missing all of it. Today I will hold my babies tighter and read an extra book or two to them. Tonight when they are asleep I will lie down in my bed and thank God for my babies.