Undeserved

          Have you ever done something really stupid, really horrible? Something that totally didn't deserve forgiveness; but when you least deserved it and least expected it an olive branch was extended and someone forgave you of your hurtful actions or words. I certainly have. 

         Eight years ago, I was working in Memphis and it had been a really rough day.  You know the kind of day where you find yourself on job search websites thinking surely there is something better out there.  It was a day when payroll was being reduced (again) and the expectations of the job were being increased (again).  I found myself, that day, under the microscope of my boss.  Pressure was being put on him so he, in turn, was putting the hammer down on me. 

       I was angry, tired, bitter and feeling very unappreciated.  I was very happy that day when my boss told me he was leaving early.  As soon as his feet hit the parking lot I went to my office sat down at my computer and began typing an email.  It was a nasty email full of rants about the job but mostly criticism about my boss.  My co-worker was off that day and I needed to fill him in on just how horrible our boss was being and how frustrating the day had been.  After several nasty paragraphs I felt better and I hit send.  I grabbed my things and left for the day. 


        My husband and I had just sat down to dinner when my phone started ringing.  It was my boss, ugh!  I say "hello" he says "we need to talk about this email you sent me." My heart starts racing, my jaw has hit the floor and sweat is beading on my forehead.  I ask "what email" he says "the one about how much you dislike your job and me" I run to the computer pull up my email and check the SENT file. OH MY GOSH!!! I had been thinking about how mad I was at him that I must have typed his name in the address line instead of my coworker.  I was panicked, terrified and sick!! I jump in the car and head to work terrified of what is about to happen. 

       Upon arrival into my boss's office I am greeted with a smile.  I just decide to be as brutally honest as possible.  I tell him that the email was intended for someone else, I tell him that it had been a horrible day and that there was no excuse for the nasty email.  I tell him I am sorry.  His response and reaction were calm.  He grinned big and said that he was glad he got the email.  He said it made him realize he had some things to work on and that he and I needed to work on communication better.  He told me that he forgave me. 

        Eight years later and still I am stunned.  I could have easily lost my job or been reprimanded in some way but instead I was offered forgiveness and grace.  I was humiliated and embarrassed but I walked away knowing what it felt like to be forgiven of something that I didn't deserve forgiveness for.  The experience has caused me to have a heart to forgive often and to love much.  It has also caused me to choose my words a little more wisely and always, always make sure I am sending my email to the right person, ha! Seriously though, we are all undeserved yet we are forgiven.  Today and everyday, remember to forgive those that hurt you even the times when it is really really hard.