He Does Not Withdraw His Hand

                          In 2003 I had a benign tumor removed from my left breast.  In December I began to experience a throbbing pain in my left breast in the area where the tumor was removed. I could not detect a lump or knot but the pain wasn't getting any better.  When the pain started waking me in the night I grew more concerned.  I called my doctor and scheduled an appointment to be seen last week.  The doctor could not see me for a few days which gave me time to become extremely anxious and read way too many scary internet articles about breast pain. 


                       I found myself texting friends and asking for prayers, my mom text her friends and my husband and I hit our knees. I hate crying in front of people but when I was driving to the grocery and my daughter said "mommy I like your hair like that" I felt the tears stream down my face.  I was wondering what will she say if I lose my hair? In the grand scheme I know that my hair is an extremely trivial thing but it just shows how anxious I was. 

                    On the day of my appointment my husband and kids circled around and prayed for a good outcome.  That morning I received messages of prayer and affirmation from so many of my family and friends.  When the nurse called my name I was escorted to the very exam room where it was confirmed I was pregnant with Wells.  At that time I had butterflies of excitement thinking of the baby inside me, dreaming of how excited our friends and family were going to be when we told them the good news.  On this day I had butterflies of a different kind, the anxiety of what could be was overwhelming. 

                      After the doctor examining me and an ultrasound, it was determined that I have a partially torn pectoral muscle.  The reason that my pain was getting worse was because I was working out pushing weighted sleds, pushups, pull-ups and weights all making my tear worse. 

                     I got to let out a huge breath, a huge sigh of relief. I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving.  I got to call my husband and tell him the good news, I got to text my family and friends.  While I was celebrating other women on that very day weren't getting the same news.  They were being told they had cancer.  Wife's, moms, 31 year olds, women just like me were receiving life changing news.


                  To the women that got bad news, to the person that is reading this that just got bad news of any kind I want to share with you the words that never left me during my whole scare...

                        IF HE CALLS US TO THE FIRE, HE WILL NOT WITHDRAW HIS HAND

Those words are in a song that we sing at church and those words played in my head over and over. I not only heard those words I believed those words.  Bad things are going to happen.  It is ok to be scared and anxious.  People lose jobs, people have their hearts broken, people get cancer but if you believe in the same God as me, let me remind you, He does not leave you, He does not forsake you.  Friends and family may scatter but the God that we have the privilege of serving stays near and He never withdraws His hand.