Forgotten

       In past years I have given something up for the season of lent.  When I craved, desired or thought about what I had given up I would immediately turn my prayers and thoughts to Jesus and his life here on earth and his crucifixion.  As the days began to lead  to Ash Wednesday this year I began to think on what I would fast from.  A couple of Sundays before lent our pastor was speaking on Psalms and he encouraged us all to write our own Psalm to God.  At first I was taken a back at the intimidating thought of writing my own Psalm.  The idea seemed good but the Psalms in the bible are beautiful, eloquent and full of comfort.  I can name countless times in my life I have opened up Psalms to read and be comforted during my own trials.  There was no way I could write anything that could compare and then as the Lord so encouragingly does, he reminded me that he created my heart and my thoughts and that the Psalm I write to him would be a gift to him.  Then I remember smiling at the thought of being able to gift something to God.  To be able to gift the creator that has given me everything...WOW! I knew what I was doing for lent! So on Ash Wednesday I began my lent project, I decided instead of giving something up I instead would be writing a Psalm, a love letter to God, everyday of lent. 



        I bought a notebook and each morning before my family was awake I would make a cup of coffee and sit in the dining room and write a Psalm to God.  These were personal and not something I shared with anyone until spring break week.  We went out of the country so I made sure to pack my notebook so that I could keep up with my writing.  One evening I saw my daughter sitting on the couch reading my Psalms I went on to explain to her what I was doing, I explained that this is a form of worship and even prayer.  The next morning I woke and went to write in my notebook and it was gone! I panicked as this was personal to me and special to me and I couldn't imagine where this notebook could be! When my kids woke up I asked if they had seen it and my daughter said " I have it, I'll go get it" I was so relieved that it wasn't lost.  She brought it to me and I turned the pages to go to the next blank page when I was stopped by such a sight...my precious girl had taken my notebook to her room and written her own Psalm.  At 7 years old the handwriting was what caught my eyes but then I read her words as tears streamed down my face.  Her words were that of a 7 year old they weren't eloquent but they were so heart felt and instantly I knew that was the part that makes a Psalm so beautiful.  It isn't in the well-versed words used but instead in the heart felt sharing that brings the beauty to the Psalms. 

        I went on to write my daily Psalm day after day feeling more connected to God and noticing that I was more aware of God's involvement in the simplest of my daily tasks.  I think because I was with him every morning my eyes were open to see him all throughout my day.  It was this past Sunday, Palm Sunday, that I forgot to write in my notebook.  I slept later than I needed to, we had church, a baby shower, Easter egg hunt and well I just forgot.  The next morning I started my day with coffee but not my notebook and it wasn't until mid-morning that I first remembered that I hadn't written in two days, but in that moment I was busy and thought to myself "I'll do it later."  Today is Thursday and I am ashamed to say I still haven't written in it and with the shame of that my mind went to Peter.  He was so zealous for Jesus, he believed and even told Jesus he would die before he denied him yet on that same night he denied Jesus not once or twice but three times.  Human nature, how quickly we forget. In a matter of hours Peter had forgotten his words to Jesus.  In a world full of distractions it is quite easy to forget even the very most important things.  Be it Easter egg hunts or work, be it fear or selfish thoughts, be it innocent tasks and worthwhile motives.  One of Satan's favorite tools is busyness, he loves to trick us with busy schedules to keep our mind off of Jesus.  This Easter weekend will be busy for us all but I encourage all of us not to forget! Don't forget the crucifixion, don't forget all the sacrifices made for you, don't forget the true meaning of Easter.  When you see the children hunting eggs, remember the sacrifice.  When you see the spread of food on the table, remember the sacrifice.  When you see the sun shining and birds chirping, remember the sacrifice.  He sacrificed it all to give you everything so in all that you see and do remember HIM.  Easter Blessings to you and yours!

A Tuesday Thought

           If you live in Tennessee then you know that February has been WET! This past Saturday it rained for what felt like the hundredth day in a row.  When I say it has rained it has truly poured buckets upon buckets, flooding many parts of our state.  Back to Saturday, when we saw the predicted forecast we declared it a movie day! I ran to redbox and got several movies to occupy our minds during the rainy afternoon.  As predicted the rain came;  and it came hard...so hard in fact it distracted us from our movies and more to watching it fill our backyard.  As we looked out on our backyard we saw on three different occasions a limb fall from a tree.  It was sudden and abrupt almost like it was just too tired of hanging on during all these storms. Each time it seemed as if the limb was throwing in the towel.  Tired and defeated. 


          This week I have thought more of our trees and what I saw when those limbs fell.  I picture the tree as a person weathering a storm of life and the limbs friends trying to help the tree hold on.  If you have been through a storm in your life be it...job loss, cancer, death or divorce, then you know how difficult weathering the storm is.  It feels much like the rain we have seen this past month.  You don't see light at the end of the tunnel but instead more darkness and doom to rain on your life.  Sometimes the only thing holding you up is the limbs (friends) in your life.  If you have been through a storm you know that even some friends grow tired and weary.  Some start backing away from your situation for fear it will creep into their life as well.  Some are just too busy to bother with all you have going on when they have a life to live as well.  Some are just the friends of convenience when things are good they are there & when things aren't so good they are no where to be found.  These are the friends that much like the limbs I witnessed Saturday fall away from you instead of continue to hold you up.  Gosh thinking about this it starts to be a discouragement. 

          But just when I started to feel down I remembered Moses.  In Exodus 17 we read the story of Israel defeating the Amalekites.  In order for the Israelites to have the advantage Moses had to hold up his staff in the air.  After some time Moses' arms grew weary and tired as soon as he lowered them the Amalekites gained the advantage.  But it doesn't end here- you see Moses had friends, Aaron and Hur, they found a large stone to prop Moses on and they got on either side of him and held his arms up until sunset so that the Israelites could claim victory.  When Moses ran out of his own strength his friends met him where he was and carried the weight for him.  We all have these kind of friends too.  The one's who show up and are there.  The one's who know what you need without you saying a word. 

  Two thoughts for today:

 1.  Surround ourselves with friends like Aaron and Hur; friends that will uphold you and strengthen you when you can't do it for yourself. 

2.  Be a friend like Aaron and Hur.  Don't drop like a limb when the going gets tough in a friends life.  Instead hold them up and help them to see that the sun will shine again. 

Hills

         It is mid August and here in the south the heat is relentless.  I have been training for a half marathon which means I am running 4 times per week.  Recently I had put my run off for most of the day and when I realized I was out of excuses I laced up my shoes and hit the pavement.  Did I mention it is August? Did I mention that it is HOT? Like crack an egg and watch it scramble on the street- HOT.  It was towards the end of my run that I started ascending up a hill.  My clothes were wet with sweat, my legs tired, my eyes were tired of squinting in the hot sun...I was spent.  I forced myself to keep running I can only imagine that I must've looked like a garden snail, slowly & unenthusiastically trudging ahead.  It was then when my tired self saw him.  While I at best looked like a garden snail; he looked like a cheerful gazelle.  I was heading up the hill and this man was heading down.  Smiling so happy and his legs so graceful.  I was jealous. 

       I was jealous that he was going down and I was going up.  I was jealous that he was enjoying his run and I was suffering through mine.  It was when I got to the top of the hill that I realized how wrong I was.  You see at the top of the hill I had just climbed was a downhill slope for me to ease down much like he had just done.  It also meant that the downhill slope I was going to enjoy had been an uphill slope for him.  An uphill slope that had probably been difficult for him and that is why his cheer and grace was shining as he got to enjoy his downhill descent.  You see if it weren't for the challenges of the big hills in a run we wouldn't appreciate the ease of the downhill descents. 


        Life.  Our lives are full of hills and while currently I may be basking in the sunshine and rainbows of a current season; there is someone else struggling through a storm in theirs.  It is so easy when in the midst of the struggle to look at someone else and see all the good things happening for them and wonder why our life can't be the same.  The truth is we all have seasons that mirror the garden snail- seasons where we are fighting tooth and nail to make it another day.  Wondering if the storm cloud over head will ever pass.  Wondering where God is and why good things are happening for others while bad news continues to reign in your own life.  It is in those moments that we compare our lives to others and lose all the joy inside of us.  We find ourselves jealous of the graceful gazelle and forget that just a bit ago he was struggling too. 

     In this life we will face many hills.  Some of those hills will feel so huge and unbearable that they will make us think we may not make it.  While suffering on those hills we will look over  to see someone smiling almost floating on air with the ease in their own life.  But take heart...their smile comes from the joy and appreciation of the current ease because they too have faced some really big hills.  If it weren't for the difficulty of going uphill we would never be able to bask and fully enjoy the downhill descent. 

"Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray.  Are any of you happy? You should sing praises." James 5:13

Spring Is Coming

               Who else has questioned if Spring is ever going to come?  It has been a LONG, grey, cold Winter and while the calendar claims that it is in fact Spring the temperature and sky seem to scream WINTER.  We have covered our outdoor ferns and plants more times than I care to count, I have bundled my kids up to play outside only for in a few short minutes to have them come back inside chilled to the bone.  I cannot tell you the amount of times my kids have questioned "When is it ever going to get warm outside?" Each time I have told them soon, very soon but in all honesty I myself have questioned the same thing. Will Spring ever come?

            At 34 years old I have seen Spring every single year so deep down I know that it will in fact come, but here right now I look out my windows to see dark skies and frigid temps.  It is very difficult today to believe that Spring is in fact on its way.  Sunshine on my face, warm temps on my shoulders are at best a wish today.  While cold temps and grey skies are valid to complain about this late in April they are nothing compared to the Winters that all of us face at some point in our lives.  The Winters that aren't dark because of overcast skies, the Winters that aren't cold because of frigid temps.  The Winters that are like a suffocating dungeon of grief, heartbreak or an unbelievable amount of misfortune.  The Winters when you look out your window to be reminded of what could've been or what should be.  The Winters of your life where you are left questioning if there is any hope or joy left to be had. 

             The Winters when you feel like Spring just won't come.  We have all lived through this season of life.  Just like I have seen Winter fade each year and green grass rise up and flowers bloom I have seen Winters of pain in my life subside and joy to rise up and laughter to find its way back in.  If you are in the dead of Winter in your life, if it feels like you are hopeless and that your joy is gone I speak from experience when I say that Spring is coming! I have experienced pain and dark times but I have also seen my joy restored.  And if it weren't for the darkness of our Winters we would never appreciate the brightness that comes with our Springs.  Today take heart for you may be in the middle of Winter but I am certain Spring is coming!

Need Me Some More til You Don't Need Me Anymore

    On Monday my daughter came home from school and as usual I opened her backpack up to see what homework she had for the week.  I opened her folder and there it was a white piece of paper that made my heart stop, a tinge of sadness came over me as I realized yet another page in her book of life was almost time to be turned.  The paper was informing us it was time to order her Kindergarten cap and gown.  Her Kindergarten year the year that seemed a million moons away just a few years ago was now nearing the end.  I couldn't help but wish for her to need me some more til she doesn't need me anymore. 

      I can remember times in her first couple of years I wished she didn't need me so much.  I wished she had more independence so that I could get things done.  As we all know that is impossible for a baby and now looking back I see just how quickly those years of needing me 24/7 passed by.  And isn't it funny to think that here I sit just a few years later mourning the days that I used to want to hurry and pass me by.  Today I look at the yesterdays behind me and I am thankful for the times she needed me more. 


     Her independence these days is impressive and heartbreaking all at the same time.  As all mothers know watching your child grow up is a constant beaming with pride at the new things they are learning & achieving while also watching your heart shatter and break knowing that is a little less they need of you.   She reads books to her little brother at night, books that just a few months ago I was reading to both of them. She has never been more sure of what clothes look best on her and has gotten so good at reminding me that my taste in clothes is a "mom's" taste.  She wakes and gets her own breakfast and gets herself dressed. Admittedly some mornings this one doesn't make me too sad but never the less still a reminder that she needs me less and less.  She leaves for school and I think I wish she needed me some more.


     And just when I start to get sad she does something like last night to remind me just how much she still needs me.  Last night I was up at 2:30 with her little brother who was crying uncontrollably because he wanted it to be daylight.  My groggy self held him explaining that it was the middle of the night and everyone was asleep.  I laid him down and rubbed his back until he fell back asleep.  I come downstairs get back in bed to be woken up at 4 by my girl.  In tears she tells me she is scared because she had a bad dream about a witch.  Through her tears and loud sobs she asks me to come lay with her.  I grabbed my pillow and went upstairs to finish our sleep in her bed.  I laid beside her rubbing her back and smiling because she was reminding me that she Needs Me Some More til She Won't Need Me Anymore. 

    

Lessons From My Nana

     

   Today is the sixth birthday that my Nana will spend in heaven.  Today is the sixth year I can't pick up the phone and wish her a happy birthday, it is the sixth year I can't hear her tell me about her plans for a game of dominoes and pizza to celebrate her big day, it is the sixth year I haven't heard her talk about her love for the Atlanta Braves and her beloved, Chipper Jones.  It sounds sad to think of all the things I am missing and won't ever share again with her; but the reality is today I am happy and reflective.  Do I miss her? Everyday. Every. Single. Day.  I miss so much about her it is unreal but now when I think of the goodness of heaven and what is to come there is more to look forward to.  A sweet reunion with my Nana is definitely one of the top things on my list. 


       Today my happiness comes from reflection of just how good she was.  Today my happiness comes from lessons she taught me that are now apart of me and make up who I am, which in turn reminds me that part of her is apart of me.  I can't think of anything more beautiful than that even on the days when I miss her the most.  I want to share lessons that my Nana taught me so that I have them in writing for myself and for my Meritt.


       It is impossible to share all the goodness she taught me but here are a few of the good ones


COOK FOR YOUR FAMILY- Everyone's grandma is the best cook, I know, and I am among the many who will argue that my Nana was the best cook to ever exist.  There are some foods that will never taste the same again and then there are some that my mom and others have worked tirelessly to perfect to give it that perfect Nana taste.  Anyone that cooks knows it is all trial and error.  Some things are winners other things are not but just keep trying! It is a privilege and honor to cook for my family and often it offers me therapy to get in the kitchen and chop and play.  Recently my daughter told me that I was the best cook ever.  This is not true but her words meant so much because it made me feel like she was getting a glimpse of my Nana.

LOVE YOUR HUSBAND- When Brian and I got engaged I started having lots of wedding showers.  Some of my girlfriends threw me a lingerie shower and while my Nana didn't attend the shower she brought me a gift the day of the shower.  I remember opening it in front of her and blushing at the fact that my Nana was giving me lingerie.  She clearly knew I didn't know how to respond so she talked for me. She told me that romance is very important especially to your husband and that I needed to remember to work at it all of my days.  In the moment I was embarrassed but once I left her sight I let her words sink in and I knew the wisdom and truth in those words.  My Nana always was able to flirt with my Papa and there was a specific grin that only she could bring to his face. 

LAUGH AT YOURSELF- The woman knew humor and was absolutely hysterical.  She didn't know how to swim but she let my mom and aunts try and teach her almost every summer.  This usually resulted in her laughing so uncontrollably that she went under and someone had to pull her out.  I can remember many games of charades that ended in her wetting her pants from laughing so hard.  She was HILLARIOUS and never took herself too seriously.  This past year we were at the beach with my parents and Meritt had my mom on the beach in her swimsuit doing cartwheels, toe touches and cheers in front of tons of people.  It was hysterical and also the most warm feeling to see Meritt getting to laugh hysterically at my mom like I did at my Nana.

BE A FRIEND- There wasn't a friend she had to get sick, have surgery or just be down in the dumps that didn't receive a meal, a visit or card.  My Nana loved her friends and she valued building her friends up and being there for them in the good times and the bad.  She was intentional with her friendships and brought a taste of Jesus to all who knew her. 

IT'S ALL FOR HIM- Her life is over but the 71 years she spent on this earth were all for HIM.  My Nana loved the Lord with all of her heart and she spent time with Him every single day.  She dove into His word everyday, prayed frequently ( I am certain that me and my cousins turned out good because of the numerous prayers she covered us in).  Simply put she loved Jesus and I am certain that her time in heaven has been beyond beautiful. 

      The lessons I learned aren't extraordinary.  The lessons I learned aren't impossible.  The lessons my Nana taught me were humble and good.  The way she lived her life is motivation for me to live my life like her.  It wasn't in her words it was her actions.  She lived out what she believed.  While I am sad for my kids missing out on knowing such an amazing matriarch I am thankful for her life.  At night when I curl up in bed with the kids to say bedtime prayers I often tell them a story of my Nana.  It is beautiful to share her life with them and I always feel her presence in the room when I speak of her.  Nana, today it is your birthday but I am the one getting the gift.  The gift of remembering so many wonderful things you taught me!

When the Words Won't Come

          It seems in the past year I have had several friends going through some really hard stuff.  I don't know if it is because I am getting older so more adult, real life problems are present or if it is just a really tough season for several that I care about.  It has been a variety of struggles, heartaches and crises.  When the news has came each time I have felt the tug of war struggle of wanting to fix things and not knowing what to do.  It is like you want to jump in the water and rescue them but there is no place for you to jump.  So then you are left saying "I will pray for you." Sometimes saying that just seems cliché and frankly it sometimes doesn't feel like enough.  Recently a friend changed my mind on those cliché feelings. 

          My list of friends and family that I am praying for is long and full of BIG stuff.  Occasionally I will send a text to a friend after I have prayed for them.  I don't know about you but there are times I will be driving down the road or unloading the dishwasher and God will just place a friends name on my heart and it is in that moment that I stop in my tracks and pray for that person.  I almost consider it a "text from heaven." God knows the busy season of life I am in so he pricks my heart and stops me then and there for a time of prayer.  Recently I texted a friend "I just prayed for you" I just wanted her to know that God had just placed her on my heart and I wanted her to know that even though her storm is raging she still has people in her corner rooting for her and praying for her.  The response she sent is what quieted my doubts and made "I will pray for you" anything but a cliché.  My friend has been through a lot, most recently a great loss.  When I told her I had just prayed for her she replied "good, thank you, I need you to because lately when I try to pray the words just won't come."


         Many of you have been right where she is...you know God, you know of his faithfulness and goodness but the waves keep crashing before you can open your mouth to catch some air.  You get over one hurdle to look up and see that a mountain is next.  The pain of life can be paralyzing, it can be a brutal place and to that all I can say is thank goodness this world is not our home! But here we are living in this world and if you are on the sidelines watching as friends get hit blow by blow with the pain and heartache that life dishes out- pray for them! Let them know that you are praying! God is faithful and provides us with each other to lighten the loads of our brothers and sisters when life gets too heavy.  If you are being beaten by life right now, if you are paralyzed by the pain of life and the words won't come when you pray- let others pray for you.  Let others walk with you and give you the sustenance you need to make it through the valley.  God has given us so many blessings one of the greatest is the gift of each other!

One Step At A Time

       It was the day before his 5th birthday.  I picture his mom, Sarah, checking off her to do list.  Cupcakes have been ordered, presents bought, candles secured, deposit for the party paid.  I imagine her doing all the exciting things a mom does the day before her child's birthday.  I even imagine a flood of sadness wash over her as she wonders 'where have these almost 5 years gone?'   I picture her smiling at how hard the newborn stage was and how it felt never ending but now he has grown into this independent little boy.  I bet if you asked Sarah the year before what she would be doing the day before her son, Brodie's, 5th birthday she would have envisioned something much like I imagined above. 


       The reality is the day before Brodie's fifth birthday things were not like what I had imagined. Things were in fact a nightmare.  Sarah & Josh, Brodie's parents found themselves sitting a doctors office trying to wrap their brains around the words coming from his mouth.  They listened as the doctor diagnosed Brodie with Philadelphia Positive Pre-B ALL (leukemia).  June 24, 2011 at 4 years, 11 months and 29 days old Brodie's life was completely changed.  The rug was pulled out from under them.  A pinch on Sarah's arm confirmed that she was in fact not dreaming.  She was awake and this was a parents worst nightmare happening to her oldest son, Brodie. 


    

       He was admitted to the hospital for 29 days to begin his first rounds of chemo.  He spent time in and out of the hospital before a 5 week stay for his bone marrow transplant on October 4, 2011.  His donor would be his sister, Jenna, she is super proud of that! Everything went well with the transplant but on March 23, 2012 they were told that Brodie had relapsed.  This began his longest stay to date, 4 months, YES! you read that right 4 months of a small, sterile hospital room.  Brodie began a 3 year long treatment plan with chemo only this time instead of a transplant.  Brodie has stayed at the hospital 370 days total since his diagnosis, and still goes monthly for labs/meds.  He continues to take daily chemo pills at home and still has his port but otherwise is doing awesome! He has been in remission since April 2012.  The family has developed a mantra, One Step At A Time. 



       Things are different for Brodie than a child who has never fought leukemia or cancer.  He loves sports but contact sports are something that he is not able to participate in.  Brodie has remained full of joy and found new interests and hobbies to involve himself in.  Truly living the one step at a time, when he finds out he cannot do something he reroutes his steps and finds something new to enjoy.  For now a couple of those things include being the water/ball boy for Jackson Christian's high school football team.  He loves the game of football and any chance he see's my husband that is what he is talking to him about.  Another hobby is cooking.  Brodie is great in the kitchen and loves to create unique concoctions with things in his fridge or pantry.  Recently he made a homemade alfredo sauce with sausage that was a huge hit.  He also loves to make Julia Child's chicken fricassee.  He is going to have one happy wife someday with his cooking skills!!

       To know Brodie, is to love Brodie! He is a kid full of joy that has taught people way older than him many life lessons.  When life throws you a curve, which it will, slow down and take it one step at a time.  Reroute if you have to but never ever stop taking the steps! Speaking of steps...there is a large group from our church, including Sarah-Brodie's mom, running the St. Jude half marathon.  If you have ran a half marathon before then you know they are tough, they require a lot of training, mental & physical discipline and ibprofeun :)

         I can say that every training run I have done has included prayer time for Brodie.  I have logged many miles and if I am honest there have been some runs where I wanted to throw in the towel and go home.  But when my mind is wrestling with my tired legs it is in those moments that I am reminded of Brodie and his whole family.  I think of the 4 month stay in the hospital and what he wouldn't have given to have a day outside with fresh air and time to run around, so I pound the pavement a little more.  One step at a time.  Next up my knee will begin to ache and I will think surely I have to stop and then I remember his parents, Sarah & Josh, and how emotionally and physically exhausted they must have been. But as parents they stay strong and fight on.  One step at a time.  Then my side- the pinch is hurting so bad surely I should quit.  Then I think of Brodie, still taking chemo, still going to the doctor monthly.  One step at a time. 


      I write all of this to ask that you pray for Brodie and not just Brodie but all the precious kids at St. Jude.  It is a place that does great work and they do it all free of charge to their patients! I also ask that if you are able please consider a donation to St. Jude! We have created a Team Brodie page and the link is just below this.  You can easily click on the link and make a one time donation.  Anything you can spare will aid in saving the life of a child $5, $25, $100.  Thanks for reading this, thank you for your donations, and most of all thank you for praying!!


http://fundraising.stjude.org/site/TR/Heroes/Heroes?px=4605611&pg=personal&fr_id=67039

Listen to Him

             A couple of years ago a girlfriend of mine spoke at a ladies night.  She gave her testimony, told some hilarious family stories and ended with one piece of advice that she was given that she wanted to share with all of us.  Her advice seemed so simple but it spoke so much to me and since that night has been a whisper in my ear when my own human doubts creep in. 


            Her advice..."When you feel those words from God, when you hear Him telling you do something don't doubt it, don't hush it, don't talk yourself out of it.  Just do it."  These words have stuck with me and I have tried, sometimes failed, to act when I hear or feel God nudging me to be His hands and feet. 


            This week I stumbled upon a recipe and randomly my first thought was "I should make this for my neighbor."  My neighbor has been sick so it wasn't such a far fetched idea.  My human self said things like "what if she is allergic to nuts?", "what if she is sick from chemo?", "she doesn't know I am making this what if she isn't even home?" but louder than my doubts were the words of my girlfriend, so I loaded Wells up and off to Kroger we went.  I got my produce and passed the florals, as I passed I saw the most happy sunflowers.  It was almost like they saw me too, "buy me, buy me" they petitioned.  In my cart they went. 


           That afternoon Brian and Meritt took her husband the goodies.  I honestly hadn't thought much more about it until yesterday when my neighbor walked over to our backyard.  She looked great and was feeling great which made us so happy.  Her words though, they confirmed what my girlfriend had told us that night a many moons ago.  You see my neighbor told me that friends were bringing them dinner the night that we delivered the berry crisp and flowers.  She told me that she had a brownie mix that she was going to make but hadn't yet made it.  Then she told me that day that she kept thinking as soon as her husband got home from work she needed him to take her to get flowers for the table. Before they could leave for the store Brian and Meritt had delivered our goodies.  Obviously I had no clue that she was having company and I definitely didn't know what things she needed...but God, He did!

             The things I did were not extraordinary, the things I did really weren't even my idea.  They were God's.  Thankful for the great advice my friend, Chantel, shared 2 years ago otherwise my human nature may have gotten in the way of being the hands and feet of Jesus.  I challenge you to listen and act on what God is telling you to do.  The results can be great and even better glorify Him!

Growing Pains

         

  As a kid my maternal grandparents lived about an hour away.  About every six weeks or so we would go and eat at their house after Sunday church.  I can remember the hour long drive felt like eternity because we were hungry and also because we knew the amazing food that awaited us.  My tastebuds would venture to say that NO one can fry okra, make homemade jam, or bake the perfect broccoli casserole quite like my Nana.  So as we drove the hour drive we wanted my dad to hit the pedal a little harder and get us there a little sooner.  There was nothing extraordinary about Sunday afternoons at my Nana & Papa's, except all the ordinary in it.  It was just the fuel we needed to fill our hearts & tummies.  We shared a big meal, laughed & talked, played a game or two of kickball or we'd sit at the table with dominoes.  Some might nap while others watched Sunday NFL, there was no agenda, no requirements, just time spent conversing and loving on each other as families do.

             When I was 9 or 10 years old I remember it was a Sunday night and we had just said our goodbyes to my grandparents.  They stood on their carport, as grandparents do, and waved goodbye as we reversed out of their driveway.  It was very normal, it had been a very normal, fun Sunday so as we reversed I couldn't understand why my mom was crying? I asked her...I remember as she wiped tears she said "because everytime we leave they get a little older and so do you." Being a child I really hadn't noticed that my grandparents had aged.  I thought they dressed like old people, and had grey hair like old people but as an innocent child I assumed that is how they would look forever.


            Fast forward to 24 years later...my Nana has been gone for 5 years, my parents nest is empty.  There four little birdies are all adults now; my oldest brother and I both live in the same town as my parents along with our spouses and children.  My two younger brothers have taken career paths that have lead them to living further away.  One brother lives about 90 minutes away and the other, the baby brother, lives about 9 hours away.  Yes, 9 hours away.  I know that is normal and it happens to families everywhere but in my childhood head I just knew we would all live super close and see each other daily.

            A couple of weeks ago we were blessed to all get to be together for the first time in 7 LONG months.  The visit went way too fast, it was filled with eating, swimming, and laughing.  It filled our tanks with the fuel we needed to make it until our next visit all together.  As we drove off I felt the tears as they streamed warmly down my face.  I was taken back to a time when I saw my mom crying those same tears.  I think the tears come from growing pains.  The aching in our hearts that know what is coming...parents getting older, children spreading their wings and weeks (sometimes months) that stand between us all being together again.  No visit is taken for granted and it is truly a celebration to all be together doing nothing extraordinary at all.

We Are The Body of Christ

                  It was around two months ago that my son turned 3 years old.  It was also the time where we heard the news that some long distance friends of ours lost their baby girl in a tragic car accident.  We spent the day at toys r us letting our son pick out his birthday gift, while I can only imagine they spent the day picking out things for their babies funeral.  This past week my husband and I celebrated our twelfth wedding anniversary while a precious mother of four at our church heard that her cancer is much worse.  We spent the day reflecting on the past twelve years and dreaming of our future together.  They spent the day gazing in each others eyes wondering what next step they should take.

                  As the last few weeks of summer approach my family is faced with which lunchbox to order for my kids, where has the summer gone, and will this house remodel ever be finished? While others are faced with very tough, just plain awful decisions it is almost embarrassing to think of the things that weigh on my mind in comparison of what others are having to ponder.

               Life.  While one is celebrating another is grieving.  If you have lived long enough you know that sometime in your life you will experience both.  Maybe your experience won't be the exact same but you will both experience life's greatness and also life's darkness.  If you talk to someone that has been through the valley and ask them what got them through they will tell you the grace and mercy of God, no doubt.  They will also tell you the body of Christ, the men and women that showed up and served them the only way they knew how.  The sweet homemaker that showed up with homemade bread and poppy seed chicken because she didn't know what else to do.  The handyman that showed up to fix the leaky drain because he thought it would save them from having to call someone.  The lady that always sends cards, the one that wrote the very words and verse you needed to hear.  The praying man who knew just the words to pray when honestly you just couldn't find the words to pray.  The anonymous givers who sent money because they knew it could somehow help.  These are the people that make up the body of Christ.

          What is your talent? What is your gift? I challenge you to know it and to use it.  Your talent or gift may seem small to you but when added in with others and when you are using it to glorify God it will make huge impacts on peoples lives and no doubt help to get them through the darkest most difficult days of their life.  We are the body of Christ.

Weeds to Wildflowers

     It was 3 years ago today.  I recount it all as though it was yesterday.  I was VERY pregnant with Wells.  11 days shy of him being born, to be exact.  I had reached the point physically that I did not care what pain might lie ahead; i wanted this baby out of me.  I was at the point where I was huge, swollen and insomnia was my nightly visitor.  It hurt to sit, to lay, to walk...it all hurt. Physically it was time.

     As ready as my physical body was to welcome Wells, my emotional side was apprehensive.  How could I possibly love another child like I love Meritt? How will I be able to get 2 children dressed and ready everyday? What will Meritt do when so much of my time will be occupied with a newborn? These and so many other questions and doubts ran CONSTANTLY through my mind.  Emotionally I wasn't sure it was time.

      Three years ago today Meritt and I were heading to the store to purchase some last minute baby items.  While driving we passed by a field full of (to me) yellow weeds (to Meritt) pretty yellow flowers.  From her car seat she exclaimed "look mommy pretty yellow flowers" something prompted me to pull over on the side of the road and let her play in them.  Meritt ran and picked flowers, she smelled them and explored the large field.  I smiled as I watched her little spirit enjoy life; even while smiling i was struck with the anxious pain that had haunted me so much the last several months...How are we going to do this? How are we going to love two kids equally? How is all of this going to work? I began to pray and ask God to intercede to calm my fears and to give us the strength and guidance we needed to parent two children.

        Meritt played for 10 or so minutes and I spent those minutes praying to God.  As I buckled her in the car I felt an overwhelming peace.  Many uncertainties lied ahead of us but I knew that God was with me and that assurance was more peaceful than i can describe.  I took one more glance at those yellow weeds but strangely they looked more like flowers to me now too.

      Every April & May I pass these yellow wildflowers and I am always reminded of my prayer to God.  When I see the wildflowers I smile because I remember God's faitfulness.  Wells is now 2 and Meritt 5 and at this point in life it is almost comical that I was so anxious about something that now seems so silly.  That is one of the MANY things that I love so much about God, though.  No matter how petty or small our concern is He wants us to give it to Him.  He cares for our small concerns as much as He does the big ones just like He cares for the weeds of the field as much as the beautiful wisteria on the vine. Thanks be to God for hearing it all and being there for it all.  From weeds to wildflowers He is there.

My Christmas Wish

      With a few days standing between me and Christmas I have found myself busy with all the "adult" tasks that one would need to complete before the actual festivities begin.  I have purchased, wrapped, baked, attended class parties and last I finally decided to clean.  Today as I vacuumed my eyes glanced first to my daughter; sitting indian style in the floor working a puzzle.  I smiled as I watched her little eyes gaze around searching for her next perfect piece.  I felt pride as I watched her find piece after piece and eventually complete her puzzle.  God, please help me remember.

      I vacuumed several other areas and eventually ended up in my room.  There my son laid on the floor, barefoot, two little matchbox cars in his hands. He rolled the cars back and forth, talking to the cars as he pushed them.  He heard the vacuum and looked up to meet my eyes; we both smiled.  God, please help me remember.

     As everyone has warned, the older my kids get the faster this life is going.   I really do try to drink it all in.  The tender, sweet moments and the moments of discipline. The good and the not so good.  The days when they are healthy and full of energy and the days where they need to lay on me and get well.  God, please help me remember.

    Today my two year old asked "Mommy, what Santa bring you?"  I laughed and told him once you are married Santa doesn't come anymore.  Not even sure he understood what my answer meant.  Today I have caught myself asking "what would you want if you could have anything?"  And today as I vacuumed my answer was clear as a bell...God, help me remember.

     This phase of life it is busy.  This phase is full of joy and pain.  This phase is tiring.  This phase is more fulfilling than I ever dreamed.  This phase is full of guilt.  This phase is full of these little people teaching me BIG Christ like lessons.  This phase makes me want to be the best I can be.  This phase makes me yearn for their bedtime to hurry up; then come downstairs only to miss them.  This phase is full of all the feels.

    More than anything I just want to remember it all.  God, help me remember.

Squeezing Tightly

               In June a new workout place, called Pure Barre, opened here in Jackson.  I have heard things about this franchise for years and always hoped that Jackson would get one.  When I heard the news that Jackson was getting one I could not get signed up fast enough.  It is much different than the running or interval training I normally do.  The classes last 55 minutes and they are HARD!!  Just when I think that I can master something I find that they change everything up.  It is addictive, challenging and most importantly IT WORKS! My strength and stamina have improved immensely and I truly look forward to my classes!!

               The reason I bring up Pure Barre is because in every class we do thigh work. We do all kinds of things but sometimes our instructor will tell us to zip our legs together so tight that "even a $100 dollar bill" couldn't slip through.  Everytime I look down at my thighs, squeezing them so tightly and picturing a $100 bill. My mind is constantly wandering and recently after class I was thinking to myself "what are some other things that are important that I would want to hold on tight enough to so that it wouldn't slip through my grasp?" Many things came to mind...My debit card, my car keys, my wedding band.  As my mind wandered the things got more personal and more real.


               I went from thinking of things I would hate to lose and drifted to relationships, to people that I love.   I thought of my kids and then the stabbing pain hit my heart...they painful reminder that they are mine for a short time.  No matter how hard I squeeze, no matter how hard i hold on these days of children at home are zipping by.  As all of us moms already know; these days are hard but gosh they are such a gift.  I am reminded that though I can squeeze with all my might, each day is another day older and another day closer to them leaving my nest and becoming their own adult self.

              So today I will hug them a little longer, I will let them see me do something for someone that cannot repay me, I will read them one more story, I will tell them how deep & wide & vast the Lord's love for them is, I will let them help me cook even though it will make a huge mess, I will teach them to love EVERYONE without restraint, I will pray in front of them & with them and I will tell them of the wonderful things that the Lord has done and is doing in my life and in the lives of those I love.   And even though I know it won't work, I will keep squeezing tightly.

Her Village

             I recently read a post from a fellow mom friend.  It read

"I am in need of encouragement.  I don't need or want advice, just encouragement. Between a strong willed, potty training toddler,  a new baby & a husband out of town with work I am just struggling.  If some of you can just encourage me and tell me that I can do this.  I just need encouragement that I can make it through the rest of this day..."


         As I read her words I felt the vulnerability in her words, I pictured tears rolling down her face as she typed, I saw her sitting on her bathroom floor with the door shut trying to hide herself for just a few seconds.  She had probably considered typing those words before but was worried of being judged for needing/soliciting encouragement.  But the time had come, she had reached a point that she was more than ok to admit that she needed her village.  And boy did her village show up!


         Much like a line to a new release movie, was the line of mom's and friends writing the most beautiful, encouraging words.  Mom's confirming that they had been in her very place and now several years later were living proof that she would make it through, mom's offering to keep her kids for a couple of hours so that she could shower and have some time to herself.  She had friends that said they might not be a mom but they wanted to share verses that had been just the encouragement they needed on days that felt impossible.  This mom who a couple hours before had been on the brink of throwing in her towel was suddenly being flooded with her village.  They were filling her up emotionally, spiritually and physically.

        In a world where Pinterest, Instagram and Facebook exist it is so easy to see pictures of people's good days and hold them up beside our bad days.  In a world where everyone has an answer and a solution it is so easy to feel as though you are the only one failing at this mom thing.  In a world where it doesn't seem you could ever take to social media to post about your REAL struggles...the post is there.  A vulnerable friend who puts her insecurities aside and asks for help.  And as warm as her cup of coffee is to her lips so are the words of her dearest friends.  Much like a small village that has to work together to survive she finds her village of friends lining up with encouraging word after sweet encouraging word.  She smiles and picks herself up off of her bathroom floor and she KNOWS that she can finish today.

       May we all be transparent vessels that share our struggles with our village, for we were never meant to bear our struggles alone. May we all be encouraging to the friends in our village.  In a world where it is so easy to tear each other down let us do what feels good and build each other up! May we all work together to have a successful village where I am weak, you are strong.

Sowing Seeds

           Here at our house we are incredibly SAD to see summer go.  We will miss the long hours of daylight, my babies being home everyday, swimming everyday, eating our meals outside and just the joy that summertime brings.  With each school year that begins it is a sharp painful reminder that my kids are another year older.  Every summer seems a little shorter and my kids seem to get bigger, faster with each passing year.  The hustle and bustle of daytime activities and chores keep my mind busy but at night when my kids are tucked in,  and lunches for the next day are made, I find myself wondering, questioning if I am doing enough?

          I hope and pray that everyday I am sowing seeds in my kids garden of life.  Seeds to equip them with confidence to stand up in what they believe in, seeds that trigger their little souls to help others...especially the ones that can't repay you.  Seeds of empathy for the trials that others are facing.  Seeds of faith to know that even when they can't see ahead that God is already there.  Seeds of hunger to yearn for more of a life like Jesus and in Jesus.

         The older my kids get the more and more time they will have outside of my nest.  The more time they will be away from this mamma's watchful eye.  I know that the seeds that are planted inside of their garden now are seeds that will remain with them always. I know that every decision I make, every move I make is being seen by little eyes and heard by little ears.  It is in my actions and in my words that the seeds are sown in my kids.


        " May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You my rock and my Lord "   Psalms 19:14 and may my actions be the type of actions that honor God.  My hope and prayer is that I can be an example to my children.

       


       

Summer Salads

It is HOT! There is nothing more refreshing this summer than a delicious salad full of fresh fruit or vegetables. I wanted to share a few recipes that I have made several times this summer.  Everytime I eat them my mouth is left wanting more. 

Cantaloupe Proscuitto Salad

 

Ingredients:

1 cantaloupe, diced

1/2 lb Proscuitto, cook in skillet until crispy

1/4 cup feta cheese, crumbled

3-4 mint leaves, diced 

Mix together cantaloupe, Proscuitto, feta and then garnish with the mint. Delish and easy! 

SWEET & SPICY SALAD

Ingredients:

3-4 peaches, diced

3-4 strawberries, diced 

1/3 red onion, diced

1 jalepeno, seeds removed & diced

1/3 cup of feta cheese, crumbled

3 leaves of mint, chopped

Combine all ingredients and then garnish with mint. 

Daddy Dearest

           In the very first days they discovered the safety he provided.  From the very beginning they found a sense of calm when he cradled them in his arms.  As they grew they would smile when they saw him, they would turn their heads to look for him when they heard his voice.  As the years have passed they have cried out to him when they were hurt or yelled for him when they saw a bug that needed to be killed.  He is their dad and he has always provided safety. 

          He works hard for his family.  On days when he is under the weather, on days when their little hands are wrapped around his legs begging "please don't leave", on days when it is gorgeous out and it sure would be nice to skip work; even then he works.  When he comes home from the office his work isn't done.  He mows the lawn, builds pretend forts and throws the kids 'as high as the sky.' His back is tired, he would love nothing more than to sit but the smile they wear when he plays with them means far more than a tired back.  He is their dad and his job is never done. 

         He loves the Lord and more than anything else he wants to show His kids this love.  He wants his children to find that same love for the Lord.  He goes to church, he prays in front of his kids, and he tells them bible stories.  He is involved in ministries at church, he practices what he preaches, and he gives of himself and his possession's to those who have a need.  He is their dad and he shows them Jesus everyday through his very own actions. 

        Dad's you are special! We don't tell you enough just how important you are.  Thank you for the safety, sacrifices and love that you show us! You have such an important job.  Your sons will grow to be just like you, so live life well.  Your daughters will marry someone much like you, so live life well.  Remember the little eyes in your house.  You are their hero and those little eyes are watching not just what you say but how you live life. 

       Happy Father's Day to all the Wonderful dads out there!! This weekend let's take time to tell our dad's that we love them and how much they mean to us.  Let's also take time to pray for them.  Let's pray for them to be strong spiritual leaders!! Thanks be to God for the blessing of DAD'S!!!

My God is So Big!!

             Every Sunday our church has a time where they call all children 2 years through 5th grade up on stage to sing a song before the church and then they are escorted out to "children's church" where they get to have a kid-friendly lesson during the adults sermon.  Today was no different.  Our worship leader told the kids to come on stage and like every other sunday some kids ran onto the stage, some walked at a turtle speed and a few were still reaching for their moms and dads as their parents pushed them onto the stage. 


         The worship leader tells the kids what song they will be singing and a second later it begins.  Some kids belting out the words as if they need people in the parking lot to hear, some kids not singing but exaggerating every hand and arm motion that goes with the words while casually punching the kids beside them, and then the kids that are still upset to be up there; the kids that stare off into space and pretend they don't even know a song is being sung.  Parents are looking on at their kids and are either beaming with pride or are shielding their eyes hoping that the song ends soon. 


        Today, May 31, 2015, was different.  Today, everyone in the sanctuary watched the children sing, heard their words and did not want it to end.  The children sang aloud

     "My God is So Big! So Strong & So Mighty! There's Nothing My God Cannot Do!"

              the children flexing their arms to show their muscles as they sang "so strong & so mighty" and giggling as they waved their fingers "there's nothing my God cannot do"

    "The Mountains are His! The Valleys are His! The Trees are His Handiwork too!"

       Today was different because as the carefree children sang their song the adults in our congregation weren't feeling so carefree.  One of the precious little kids in the very group that sings on that stage has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor.  A perfect, innocent little two year old girl now has a brain tumor.  As the children sang the adults hung onto their every word.  As they sang
    "My God is So Big!"
                       the adults were reminded He is bigger than a tumor.  As they sang
    "So Strong & So Mighty!"
                       the adults were reminded He is stronger than any tumor.  As they sang
   "There's Nothing My God Cannot Do!"
                       the adults were reminded that there is NOTHING that God cannot do. 

     A song that has been sung in our congregation a million times before suddenly had new meaning.  Everyone needed that song, that reminder. Little Ivey has some important appointments ahead of her and her family.  There is a lot of fear and anxiety that goes with her diagnosis but today we were all reminded of the Strong, Mighty God we serve.  We were reminded that there is Nothing that our God cannot do. 

     Tonight I ask that you pray for Ivey and her parents.  I ask that you pray for healing and for a calming peace to blanket her family as they wait upcoming appointments.

The Legacy of June

        She is the kind of woman that never has a hair out of place, the kind of woman that always knows just what to say, the kind of woman that exudes class, the kind of woman that could enjoy crumpets and tea with Queen Elizabeth and later that day be digging in the dirt planting herbs and vegetables in her garden.

     "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25

        To see her you might think that surely she has never faced any hardships.  Surely that is why she can look so fabulous and always have a smile on her face.  To know her is to know that it could not be further from the truth.  Many a hardships she has faced...single motherhood, breast cancer, the closing of her beloved University where she taught for many years.  The thing that sets her apart in the midst of such trials is that her hope comes from the Lord.  She has witnessed God's faithfulness over and over in her life.  Through trials she is able to smile because she knows that resting her trials at the feet of the Lord is always the best place to lay them. 

       "When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness." Proverbs 31:26

      She is slow to speak and when she does it is in a manner that honors the Lord and makes those around her feel blessed by hearing her words.  In 2009 she was in New York with my grandmother when they received word that my dad had a stroke.  The prognosis at the time was grim.  June sat at my grandmothers side opened her bible and began reading aloud from Psalms.  My grandmother still speaks of the blessing that moment was to her and the way that June was able to calm her with the reading of God's word. 

        "She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy." Proverbs 31:20

      Countless times she has gone to the jungles of Panama to offer her services on medical mission trips.  If you have been privileged to go with her you have witnessed her hustle and bustle giving of herself in the service of glorifying the kingdom.  At the end of the day when everyone circles up to pray you look around the circle everyone sweaty from the scorching jungle heat, everyone except June.  There she stands in the circle in a perfectly starched white oxford shirt, a bandana tied around her neck and a smile on her face.  All the Panamanians know and love her for her gentle hands, warm smile and giving spirit. 

    She has impacted everyone that has been blessed to know her.  Whether you have known her from Lambuth, Skyline, Master Gardener's, or just from residing in Jackson; I have no doubt that your life has been blessed. She is a believer of the word of God and she lives out the word of God.  Hearing that she would be moving to Missouri to start a new chapter with her daughter and family most were heart broken for selfish reasons but happy for this new phase for her. 

     While we all miss June, madly, we have all been impacted and inspired to be a better version of ourselves.  Thank you June for living a life that serves the Lord and others.  Thank you June for the legacy that has been laid out for all of us that know you.  June, you truly are more precious than rubies to all that know you!!